It’s Independence Day, when Americans revel in flags, fireworks, family, and that swelling pride you get from being an American. We honor our nation’s Founders, and think of those who sacrificed for our liberty, as Deanna reminded us in her post from Pearl Harbor.

Then there are celebrities for whom the holiday is just another day for grandiose self-promotion.

No holiday can go unsullied without the presence of whore-mongering’s reigning Queen, Kim Kardashian. This year she upgraded her “Kimojis” with a ‘patriotic’ theme. For the low, low price of .99 for an upgrade (in addition to the original app price of 1.99) you can celebrate Independence Day the Kim Way!

You can also enjoy these animated and NSFW Kimojis. Kim Kardashian and simulated oral sex with popsicles and hot dogs — it doesn’t get much more American than that!

But perhaps the title of Most Shameless Self-Promoter on Independence Day, 2016, goes to Zack Hample.

Who?

Zack Hample is a minor baseball celebrity known as the ball hawk who has managed to catch over 9,000 baseballs. He’s also known (and hated by some) as the jerk who caught Alex Rodriguez’s 3000th career hit and refused to return the ball to A-Rod or the Yankees, as is customary. (He later sold it back to the Yankees for a donation to charity after being chastised in social media.)

But Hample may have just touched America’s third rail — messing with the military, on Independence Day weekend, no less.

On Sunday night, a special major league baseball game was held at Fort Bragg in North Carolina between the Atlanta Braves and the Miami Marlins. The game was open only to military personnel and their families. Even then, tickets were assigned according to a lottery:

Major League Baseball’s Fort Bragg Game ticket lottery will be open 31 May 00:01 EDT through 12 June at Midnight and is open to Department of Defense ID cardholders 18 years of age and older. One entry per ID cardholder will be accepted (duplicates will be discarded). Only one winner per family will be allowed (each family member 18 and over may submit an entry). Department of Defense ID with name matching entry must be presented at the time that tickets are issued. Tickets will not be mailed, they must be picked up in person on Fort Bragg.

So, guess who attended the game? If you said Zack Hample, you guessed correctly, Grasshopper.

Not only did Hample attend a game for which he was not eligible, he caught 11 balls. And then the doofus bragged about it on Twitter.

To try to cover his tracks, Hample then claimed he got his contraband ticket from a soldier whose girlfriend didn’t like baseball. Yeah, right. And I have this bridge.

FYI, I got my ticket through a friend whose entire unit got 'em. He was gonna bring his GF who doesn't like baseball so he took me instead.

— Zack Hample (@zack_hample) July 4, 2016

But of course, sharp eyes on Twitter dug up this gem. Busted!

.@zack_hample then why did you do this? pic.twitter.com/fX7EHsbOWF

— RT Ohio (@RT_Ohio) July 4, 2016

Yep, it appears that Hample has his (ahem) balls caught in quite the wringer. As of now, it’s unclear as to how Hample acquired a ticket to the game, but if he purchased a ticket for $1000 that could’ve gone to another soldier, then he just became the biggest douche to ever attend an MLB game.

No less than the 82nd Airborne Division shamed him in a glorious way.

Delete your account. https://t.co/DHYwUuRHbL

— 82nd Airborne Div (@82ndABNDiv) July 4, 2016

Zack Hample and Kim Kardashian, in their public self-centeredness on this day intended to honor the nation, have shown themselves to be American Narcissists. Of course they have the right to do so — it’s guaranteed by the First Amendment. But we have the right to call them out as the classless jackwagons they are.

Isn’t America great?