I was having a discussion with my sister this morning about men who lose their jobs, and whose ego goes into hiding (along with their testicular fortitude, apparently), leading them to retreat into a cold cave of self-doubt and loathing, living off their wives or government assistance, and blaming others for their lot in lives. These are the men who deep inside don’t feel like men – like the providers for their families they should be – because they’re too afraid, lazy, or proud to put in the effort or accept a position they feel is “beneath” them. But they certainly feel entitled to the love and respect women afford to real men.

So what are real men?

I don’t want to pretend I’m speaking for all of womanhood. Obviously each woman has a different concept of what she would like to see in a man. That said, I’d like to explore what I’ve seen and heard from women whom I know,  who are searching for a soulmate, and who keep running across the same problem: weak, easily-influenced, whiny guys, who have absorbed the third-wave feminist propaganda, and who think that destroying the cisheteropatriarchalwhatever hegemony over the world will give them the power they can’t achieve with real men in existence.

So what do all of them seem to be looking for?

A real man is polite and courteous without being obsequious. Women like having doors opened for them, receiving flowers every so often, and getting help around the house. What they don’t want is brownnosing invertebrates bowing to their every demand – unreasonable or not.

A real man listens to us, but he doesn’t just blindly bow to us. He is rational. He discusses options. He objectively considers our views.

A real man has a job. We recognize things happen, economy happens, layoffs happen, and we understand how difficult it can be to find new work. But DAMMIT! Actively search. Seek out new skills if necessary. Take work that you may consider “beneath” you, if that’s what is needed, but contribute to the damn household! It may or may not have been your fault that you got fired or laid off, but it is certainly your fault if you are bringing nothing to the table for a year or longer!

Go work retail. Go find a construction job. Write articles for pay. Do SOMETHING! It’s no one’s fault but your own if you haven’t brought a penny to the household. There is paid work out there, and if you think that living off your spouse or girlfriend is an acceptable situation for a real man because you’re too good to work a menial job with that Master’s Degree, I cordially invite you to step off a cliff.

No, we are not meek, defenseless or in need of your protection at work or in the big, bad world. Contrary to feminist lore, women don’t need you to stand up for them at work. They don’t need you to coddle them. They don’t need you to play white knight and join them in blaming “gender bias” for their failures. They don’t need you to treat them like babies, to encourage them to sit up front at meetings and to talk more. Spare me!

It is not a threat to your masculinity to help with the kids or do some chores around the house, but you know what is a threat? Donning that pussy hat and meekly claiming to be a feminist to appease the howling hordes of harpies who claim you’re responsible for all the world’s ills, because your fragile ego tells you that they are less likely to target you as the ruiner of all that is good and pure in the world merely because you own a penis.

Real men learn and work to improve themselves. They hone their skills and acquire new ones. As Heinlein once wrote, specialization is for insects.

Real men know how to shoot. They know how to use the tools available to them to defend themselves and their loved ones. Real men don’t rely on nanny government to protect them or pusillanimously advocate the disarmament of others, because they are cowards who cannot bear the thought of others being more powerful and having more skill to be accountable for themselves than they are.

Real men are responsible for their lives, their property, and their loved ones. They certainly don’t wait for government agents to come protect them.

Real men take care of their families. Real men understand they have a role to play. Real men are not threatened by a woman’s strength, but are complemented by it.

Sure, real men cry, but they don’t let their emotions get the best of them. They put their emotions aside and examine every situation coldly and rationally.

Real men set an example for their kids. They are kind, but not spineless. They are intelligent, but acknowledge they still have much to learn. They teach, they answer questions, they don’t shy away from challenges, and they love. They love strongly and passionately, but they do not cling like mucus. They are strong enough to know when to hold on and when to let go.

Real men don’t get validation by the number of women they have conquered. They don’t find their self worth inside a woman’s vagina. Sex for them is an extension of their love and respect for their woman, so sexual conquests are not on his lists. He is loyal, and he does not cheat on the one he loves, because he has an ego that is healthy enough to be dedicated to one woman.

Real men aren’t afraid to lead, but they also aren’t afraid to follow – regardless of what plumbing the leader happens to have.

Real men aren’t jealous. They understand that their partners sometimes need alone time or time with friends other than them, and they refuse to whine and snivel about it, because the relationship doesn’t define them, but enhances them.

I know that’s quite a list. How many measure up?