Dear members of the UN Security Council:

After you decided to attempt to humiliate and insult the United States in the wake of our decision to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and move our Embassy there by supporting a passive-aggressive resolution by Egypt stating its “regret” at the recent “decisions concerning the status of Jerusalem,” there’s only one thing left to say: Pound sand, you cowardly, worthless, corrupt, mismanaged savages!

Yes, that includes the members, who are supposed to be our stalwart allies: the United Kingdom, Italy, and France, who have spent decades hiding under our nuclear NATO umbrella, leeching off our national security policy, because they knew they had neither the resources nor the testicular fortitude to challenge the Soviet Union without the United States’ help and leadership, but who chose to isolate us and throw us under the bus anyway.

Yes, that includes Ukraine that feels itself entitled to MOAR MONEY, MOAR MILITARY MATERIEL, and MOAR SANCTIONS, because it certainly can’t stand up to Vladimir Putin all by itself.

Yes, that includes Egypt that introduced this mind-bogglingly pusillanimous, passive-aggressive resolution, not naming the United States directly, but sniveling about its “regret” about the recent decision (as if we don’t know to whom it is referring) even as it receives more US economic and military assistance than nearly any other country in the world (other than Israel and Afghanistan).

And yes, that includes Ethiopia that siphoned nearly $700 million in US aid this year, including $91 million for drought aid, food, and medications! So much for gratitude.

Eat a bag of syphilitic phalli, you jerks!

The United States has veto power in the Security Council, so your staggeringly short sighted, offensive gesture is just so much slime on our shoe. That said, the General Assembly vote is coming up, and you know those billions of dollars in aid that some of you have no problem receiving from us even as you spit in our collective faces for acknowledging what the United Nations itself unequivocally stated in its World Statistics Pocketbook until as recently as 2013 – that Jerusalem is Israel’s true capital – with no caveats? Yeah, that may soon go away.

We are the UN’s biggest contributor. We shell out 22 percent of the UN’s bloated budget. Until 2014, you smarmy douche crackers had no problem stating unequivocally that Jerusalem was the capital of Israel. Don’t believe me? Look at page 98 of the 2013 World Statistics Pocketbook. It is only in 2014 and forward that you chose to genuflect before the Islamic extremists for fear that they would blow themselves up in your capital cities, and tremulously claimed in a footnote that no, you really don’t recognize the capital city of a sovereign nation, and that “The position of the United Nations on Jerusalem is stated in A/RES/181 (II) and subsequent General Assembly and Security Council resolutions,” and that the data about the capital city was provided by Israel itself, and you don’t support it (not like you would ever have the balls to come right out and say it). Because dog forbid you stand up to Paleoswinian scum! They might squeal and toss poo in your direction like angry monkeys (which wouldn’t be different from any other day). But now you choose to slap us in the face because we finally chose to acknowledge what you have stated in your own literature for years?

And yes, the information about its capital city was provided by Israel. Know why? Because it’s a sovereign nation, jackholes, and it has the right to determine where its capital and its seat of government are!

But you don’t respect national sovereignty, you collectivist swine.

You want every nation to cede its independence to a rabid horde of third-world dictators, who contribute pocket change to your bloated coffers, but who get the same General Assembly vote as the nation without which you would literally disintegrate, let alone have even less enforcement authority than you do now, you impotent frauds!

The decision to move our Embassy is the decision of a sovereign nation made with the approval of another sovereign nation – in this case Israel. How dare you tell us where we can put our diplomatic facilities? Just who the hell do you think you are?

I’m sure every tin-pot asshole will vote against us in the General Assembly, and I’m sure our allegedly “stalwart” allies will have no problem damaging our “special relationship” by giving us the finger, but you know what? I guess all those who spit on us can also live without our aid, without our leadership, without our military support and training, and without our friendship and trade too.

It’s high time we stopped getting insulted and abused by the very pathetic weaklings whom we support year after year, and who depend on our money and leadership for their very survival.

Pound sand!

xoxo

America

UPDATEY GOODNESS: Seven nations stood with the United States and Israel against the tin-pot dictators of the UN, and it wasn’t any of our so-called “allies,” not even ones with whom we supposedly have a “special relationship.” Guatemala, Honduras, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Nauru, Palau, and Togo stood for sovereignty and self determination. Thirty five others, including several NATO allies, and one country with whom we have a “five eyes” relationship were too chickenshit to stand up for anything, and chose to abstain, refusing to fully remove their tongues from Mahmoud Abbas’ rectum, but also too afraid to take a stand because they need us – our help, our support, our foreign aid, our intelligence sharing, and our nuclear umbrella. This should tell you everything you need to know about supposed friends like Canada, Poland, Latvia, and Hungary, among others.