If you know, you know — not since Billy Carter has an alleged adult of a First Family been as much of a public train wreck as Hunter Biden.

The crackhead son and bagman for the Biden family, trading access to Joe for oodles of cash (much of which went to hookers and blow) is one of those tragi-comic characters who run around stepping on their own dick every scene for about 85% of the movie until the absurdity makes you feel sorry for them.

But Hunter Biden never reaches redemption. He doesn’t know how to take his lumps then bow out. The man who was getting $75-500 grand per painting of his motel-art pieces is bleating to the court that he’s flat broke. No bread, man!

The former first son painted a bleak picture of his own and of Biden family finances during a Feb. 9 deposition in his legal battle with powerhouse law firm Winston Taylor, which sued Biden in June 2025 for allegedly stiffing the firm out of $17 million accrued from representing Biden in federal criminal cases, congressional investigations, and defamation lawsuits Biden brought against his enemies.

“I don’t have any assets. I don’t own a car. I don’t own a phone,” Biden said in the deposition, according to a transcript released this week.

“I don’t own anything of any value other than—and I don’t know the value of it—my paintings which I painted myself,” Biden testified. “So that’s it. And I don’t even have any other assets at all, stocks, bonds, anything like that, savings accounts.”

Why, he’s practically homeless!

In this courtroom, Hunter is trying to weasel out of about $17 million he owes his former lawyers who pushed the pooper-scooper behind the gallivanting ne’er-do-well, mounting defenses for him in federal criminal cases and congressional investigations. And mounting defamation lawsuits against Hunter’s enemies.

In another courtroom a couple of months ago, it looks like he’s going to have to square this “I’m broke” act with the appearance he’s still living large.

Ex-con former first son Hunter Biden may have to shell out more in child support to his former stripper baby mama, given his alleged lavish lifestyle featuring gourmet food and a mountain home with ocean views.

An Arkansas judge Thursday ordered Biden, a 56-year-old dad of five, to turn over his tax records and other financials and sit for a grilling under oath by lawyers for Lunden Roberts — with whom he shares 7-year-old daughter Navy Joan Roberts.

And least any judge might like to inquire on how broke Hunter can still galivant around the world and see if daddy and stepmommy are financing his trips and ocean views, Hunter is adamant that Creepy Joe, too, is broke.

Biden, who recently landed a job at a luxury Los Angeles addiction treatment center, also claimed his father and other relatives are unable to bail him out.

“My family doesn’t have any money, and it’s not their debt anyway,” he said.

Wait, what? Didn’t both Joe and Jill receive some pretty hefty chunks of change as advance fees for the books they “wrote” to be released this year? Ten million for Joe, several million for Jill and all that moola is gone already?

via GIPHY

Meanwhile, Hunter isn’t letting his *flat broke* status affect his travel nor his flapping gums as he tours the podcast circuit to beat his chest in the crudest ways possible since his crack-pipe-in-the-bathtub days.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hunter Biden is shitting on President’s children.

Does he know he’s Hunter Biden? https://t.co/dIuF8LWwHa

— Fusilli Spock (@awstar11) July 31, 2026

Such a lovely guy. The rotten apple didn’t far fall from the tree.

featured image original graphic by Darleen Click