Anthony Weiner’s legal team yesterday put up what is probably the most ridiculous defense in court I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading. Now, I’m no attorney, so granted my scope is limited on this issue, but that said…

What in the everloving, porcupine-humping hell?

Lawyers for former Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner described his “operatic self-destruction” in a filing Wednesday ahead of his sentencing for trading sexually explicit messages with a minor, saying the teenager had targeted him both for personal profit and “to influence the U.S. presidential election.”

Well gosh! I don’t know about you guys, but that’s all I thought about when I was 15 years old. “Hmmmm…. how do I go about influencing the U.S. presidential election? I know! Let me seduce a U.S. Congressman!” You know, between boyfriends, schoolwork, extracurricular activities, relationships with friends and with parents, and my part time job. That’s believable! Not.

Let’s get this straight: Carlos Danger, whose inability to keep his little pal safely ensconced in his pants has become legendary on the Internet during the past several years, and eventually cost him his marriage to Huma Abedin, about whose sanity I’ve often wondered, given her propensity to forgive the philandering fuckwit, and remain married to him despite his habit of swinging Little Tony around at any woman with eyes, claims he fell victim to a high school sophomore.

He claims he was the victim.

As I sit here in utter shock, contemplating this absurdity, I want to remind you that this is a man who was in his late 40s at the time, telling a child about his and Huma’s sex life, who told the teenager, after she told him her age, “I would bust that tight p***y, so hard and so often that you would leak and limp for a week.” and who asked the child to undress and touch herself while saying his name over video chat. Who talks to a kid in that manner???

I’ll wait for you to vomit. Go ahead.

You know what we call skeezy geezers who try to get young adolescents to undress for them and who get turned on by the idea of sleeping with high school sophomores? By the strict definition we call them “ephebophiles,” but by the definition of everything that is moral and good in this world, and given Weiner’s propensity to wag his wanker at pretty much anything with a hole and a heartbeat, I prefer to use “despicable vermin who needs to be tossed in a dark hole and denied access to the Internet, so we never again have to read about him pulling his pud in public.”

Let me tell you this: Weiner is not a victim by any standard. Whatever the girl did or did not do later with the information she had about Weiner, whatever she was willing to reveal, and whatever her motives were at the time, has nothing to do with the fact that Weiner knew she was 15 years old at the time, knew that he was old enough to be her father, and encouraged her to get him off online anyway. This is not the behavior of a victim. It’s the behavior of a predator.

I’ve raised two kids, and they both went through that awkward teenage stage. As mature and mentally developed as my kids were, they sometimes still had the common sense of horny chimps and often had to be led away from bad decisions by stern conversations and honest discussions. That’s the primary responsibility of parents.

The responsibility of non-parents when it comes to kids is primarily NOT TO VICTIMIZE THEM! Don’t lead them astray. Don’t hurt them. Don’t take advantage of them. Kids that age have enough to deal with. They’re emotionally fragile and experience pretty high suicide rates, they’re awkward, they’re growing, they’re exploring their sexuality, they sometimes make bad decisions based on their emotions and hormones, rather than using their logical thinking and reasoning ability. An adult who exploits these vulnerabilities for his or her own sexual gratification needs to be beaten with aluminum baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire! Speaking as a mother, there are few things in this world I find more odious, and yes, I have taken on a kiddie toucher who tried to get with my daughter. For the sake of your fragile sensibilities, I won’t get into the details of what I promised to do to him. Needless to say, he never came around again.

Adults must take steps to ensure the youngest and most vulnerable among us are protected. Anthony Weiner, even now, refuses to take responsibility for his failure as an adult and as a human being.

He is not a victim. He was the adult in this “relationship.” He knew what he was doing was wrong, and he attempted to cover for it by asking the teen to write a letter to a teacher, claiming her conversations with that sociopath were “never inappropriate,” which she sent to a fake email address, he later learned. He encouraged a vulnerable child to undress and engage in sexual acts for his own pleasure. Some of the admirers were female, claims a memo written by his legal team, “validating him not just as a politician, but as a man.”

Sorry, but anyone who gets validation as a man from a kid, is not only abnormal, but in dire need of being put down like a rabid animal.

Cretinous degenerate? Yes. Victim? No way.