Originally posted at David Horowitz’s Newsreal:

Sluthood wasn’t always considered a virtue. Most normal, rational people look at sleeping around as something sad and wrong. It’s not healthy, physically or mentally, it can be damaging to a young girl’s reputation, and it can also be incredibly dangerous. Women that sleep around oftentimes end up feeling used and regret their choices when they get older and decide to settle down. Other women end up contracting STDs, which may or may not be treatable. For these reasons and more, being a slut is understandably looked down upon — it can be genuinely harmful. Today’s pseudo-feminists, however, have turned that common sense logic on its head.

Sluthood is now, unbelievably, looked at in their eyes as healthy and empowering. Sleeping with random men every night is not sleeping around, it’s “embracing your sexuality.” This attitude has trickled down into our everyday culture, and it’s had an effect on young girls. Almost two-thirds of teenagers who do have sex end up wishing they hadn’t. Teens who have sex early are more likely to be depressed or suicidal. And while femisogynists act as if birth control and condoms makes sex absolutely risk-free, the truth is not quite as clear. The emotional consequences are clear; physically, the truth is simply that condoms are not foolproof. Consider that 1 in 4 teenage girls now have an STD. And pregnancy can only reliably be prevented through abstinence, something teenage girls need to know, considering that teenage mothers are significantly more likely to live in poverty and rely on welfare.

Does any of this sound empowering? While the slut culture hits young girls the hardest, it’s unhealthy for everyone, regardless of age. See, for example, how rates of most STDs have climbed since 1997, with the exception of gonorrhea. Chlamydia is especially pervasive, being the most transmitted STD in the United States. It’s especially scary when you consider that approximately 1 in 4 men have chlamydia, but no symptoms, and only about 30% of women get any symptoms. Then there’s herpes, which is incurable. Currently, 1 out of 5 women have herpes.

Yes, encouraging people that sluthood is empowering and healthy is surely a great idea. It’s not irresponsible or potentially dangerous at all! You could only… end up depressed, suicidal, pregnant and single, or with a nasty (possibly incurable) STD. Femisogynists claim that all this means is that we need better sex education in our schools, because condoms are clearly foolproof, and as long as you use a condom, you’ll never ever get pregnant or contract an STD. The truth is not so comforting. Condoms are not foolproof, and perpetuating that myth doesn’t do anyone any favors, as the cold hard facts show. But the pseudo-feminists aren’t pointing these facts out to anyone when they encourage sluthood, are they? This part of it, the dark side, is all extremely hushed up, probably because if most people knew these facts and statistics they’d be terrified to sleep around with wild abandon. And that’s exactly why the femisogynists don’t mention this part of it.

When you think about it, and consider the facts, slut culture is not something we should be encouraging. But who are the people who are pushing this sluthood culture so fiercely? We’re about to discover 6 of the strongest advocates of sluthood culture in America.

Example #1: My Sluthood, Myself

I had never thought of my self as a Casual Encounters kind of girl. I’d read them on occasion, sure, out of fascination, horror, horniness. I’d even, once in a long while, in lonely desperate moments, posted an ad, not with the intention of actually meeting anyone, but because sometimes knowing you have a bunch of bad options that you’re rejecting feels better than feeling like you have no options at all. And it was that exact state I found myself in one Friday night last fall, after having been blown apart yet again by some minor rejection that felt so huge it sent me to my bed. I hadn’t showered or shaved or left the house in days. And so, glass of wine in hand, wearing a robe and dirty sweatpants, I posted an ad just so I could watch the replies come in and feel like I had some kind of choice in the world. That somebody wanted me, even if they were gross and I’d never want them back.

… I’m telling you this because our policymakers would rather girls get sometimes-fatal diseases than be perceived as condoning sluthood. I’m telling you this because it’s important for everyone to understand: Sluthood isn’t a disease, or a wrong path, or a trend that’s ruining our youth. It isn’t just for detached, unemotional women who “f**k like men,” (as if that actually meant something), consequences be damned. It isn’t ever inevitable that sluthood should inspire violence or shame. Sluthood isn’t just a choice we should let women make because women should be free to make even “bad” choices. It’s a choice we should all have access to because it has the potential to be liberating. Healing. Soul-fulfilling.

And here, in Jaclyn Friedman’s words, we see firsthand that sluthood can be liberating and healing.

Reading her post, though, ends up being incredibly sad. Friedman, who bills herself as a “feminist evangelist,” pushes the myth that sluthood can be empowering, but she seems to be saying something different. She says herself that she wants to be loved, she wants to be wanted, and sleeping around with random men is not going to get her that love. A one-night stand gets you that temporary endorphin rush, but you ultimately end up feeling hollow again. So you look for that rush again, have another one night stand, and still feel empty. It’s a vicious cycle, a quick fix that leaves you wanting in the end.

While Jaclyn tries valiantly to prove that sleeping around is this wonderful, liberating, empowering experience, her words ring hollow because you can see right through them. She comes across as bitter and desperate, someone looking for love and validation in any way that she can get it, no matter how unhealthy it may be.

Yet for some reason, we’re supposed to want to emulate her? Why, so that other women can be as desperate and miserable as she is?

Hey, maybe that’s the whole point.

Example #2: In Defense of Casual Sex

I’m a 24-year-old member of the hookup generation — I’ve had roughly three times as many hookups as relationships — and, like innumerable 20-somethings before me, I’ve found that casual sex can be healthy and normal and lead to better adult relationships. I don’t exactly advocate picking up guys at frat parties and screwing atop the keg as the path to marital bliss. It’s just that hookup culture is not the radical extreme it is so frequently mischaracterized as in the media. There is sloppy stranger sex among people my age, sure, but sometimes hooking up is regular sex with a casual acquaintance; sometimes it’s innocent making out or casually dating or cuddling, and, oftentimes, it involves just one person at a time. In a sense it’s all very old-fashioned — there’s just a lot more unattached sex involved.

Like most 20-somethings, I’ve had online pornography and unregulated chat rooms at my fingertips since I hit puberty. But I also grew up during the Girl/Grrrl Power explosion, which taught me to demand respect, and play handball (and, later, hardball) with the boys. And it taught me that I didn’t need to cake myself in makeup or teeter along in foot-disfiguring heels — unless, of course, I wanted to.

… As far as I can tell, these choices don’t form a pattern, other than a refusal to really choose. I was like a college freshman filling out the Career Center’s job placement questionnaire, making an enthusiastic check mark next to every box; except, in my case, I was checking off men. Most of them were great; others led me on and made me cry. In a few cases, I felt used, but other times I felt like a user. [emphasis mine]

It’s interesting that Salon writer Tracy Clark-Flory speaks of sleeping around as some kind of warped way to gain respect. She later admits that she and other young women are often looking for something more permanent — but that after two or three hook-ups, the men they’ve been having casual sex with run when the idea of a more serious relationship is brought up.

Can she really not connect the dots there?

She admits that she was able to find an “emotionally available” man… after she stopped her wild adventure into sluthood. Gee, I wonder if that was just a coincidence!

Meanwhile, when she was sleeping around, she often “felt used, or like a user.” How does that demand respect? If she is being used, then she clearly isn’t being respected by the men she’s hooking up with; if she feels like a user, then she clearly doesn’t respect the men. Meanwhile, we’re supposed to believe that this somehow will lead to finding respect and empowerment, and eventually, a “healthy” relationship.

Just, you know, ignore her experiences of feeling used/like a user, and only finding a decent man when she found the will to restrain herself. It’ll be better for you.

Example #3: Her advice comes from the fact that Heather Corinna is ANNOYED

Heather Corinna, founder of Scarleteen, an “inclusive, healthy, and sex-positive sex ed resource for teens,” writes:

So, am I a slut? Sure, okay. I am untidy. I have had sex with more people than some people consider acceptable, and on the bell curve of what folks report with a lifetime number of partners, I have had more than most. Since I have routinely questioned both my own values and character for myself all my life as a regular practice, and try to keep flexible, I suppose it’s also true to say mine are both questionable and loose. When you tell me or others something that is true about myself, I’m not likely to get my feelings hurt or be offended, particularly when we’re talking about things that have been my choice, like my sex life.

… I have had my work or the credibility of my work impacted by my actual or perceived sexual behaviour. But I also tend to experience a weird kind of privilege in often having little privilege. I figure if it isn’t going to be one thing, it’ll be another, so I may as well just be who I am and put who I am on the table. Like Janis sang, freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

Like Jaclyn, I have had times in my life when I have wanted an ongoing, intimate relationship and have not had one, though with me that’s rarely abstract. When I want one of those, it tends to be about wanting one with someone specific (or, let’s be frank: about wanting relationships where I can get some privilege and be spared some of the judgment we get while in other models). It’s fair to say I’ve usually been far more cautious about getting into romantic relationships than I have been about getting into bed with someone.

It’s interesting how in so many of these posts, the sluthood advocates themselves inadvertently end up proving just why sleeping around with wild abandon is not a good thing.

Earlier, I mentioned — and Corinna confirmed — that a girl’s reputation is likely to suffer based on her supposedly empowered sluthood. In Corinna’s case, she admitted herself that it’s affected her work. And this is one odd thing: femisogynists complain often about the “he’s a stud, she’s a slut” double standard. While the double standard is indeed abhorrent, it’s interesting that the “feminist” response is to engage even more in bad behavior like men do. Instead of trying to work to raise men up to a higher level, they seem to want to bring women down to a lower level.

And it doesn’t exactly speak well for your cause when an advocate for sluthood says that they’re more willing to screw a stranger than get into a committed relationship. It just further confirms the notion that sleeping around can be emotionally crippling.

Example #4: 6 Reasons to Have Casual Sex

When most of us embark on a new relationship, we’re inundated with anxieties. We usually want to please the other person and we want them to think well of us, because we think highly of them and we want to make the connection last. Above all, we definitely don’t want to weird them out with our strange fantasies and turn-ons. We save that type of honesty for much later, when we feel safer. Many couples never share at all: lack of disclosure is the norm for married couples in a variety of ways, whether the issue is finances or hopes and dreams. In a 2001 poll, only 52% of male respondents and 62% of female respondents told their spouses about their sexual history.

There’s less at stake emotionally with a casual partner. This is the very target at which critics aim their arrows—how can women enjoy sex without an emotional connection?!—but this lack of investment can be freeing. It’s the same relative anonymity that causes some people to blurt out their deepest secrets to their hairdresser or a taxi driver. When we’re with someone who isn’t a fixture of our daily life, our egos relax enough to let a little authenticity come through. Rather than worrying about impressing the other person, you can be more assertive about what satisfies them in bed.

… But many men and women have had the sad experience of falling in love with someone who refuses to indulge in playful sex or whose preferences are entirely at odds with their partner’s.

The heart and the libido are by no means guaranteed to be compatible. (The New York Times recently reported that 15% of marriages were sexless, meaning the couple had not had sex in six months to a year. Casual sex bypasses this by concerning itself primarily with the libido, which is typically regarded as a source of shame and fear, but can yield its own profound and revelatory moments.

Shores, a writer for Ms. Magazine, Huffington Post, and Alternet, goes over the same old talking points: the prerequisite empowerment angle, the learning about your sexuality drivel, and claiming it will make you a better lover. What was most interesting to me, though, was the completely absurd claim that somehow, casual sex would be better sex than sex in a committed relationship … because your inhibitions are lowered, or something.

Reality, as usual, is quite different. Take The Case for Marriage, written by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher. They found that not only do married couple have more sex than single men and women, but that they had better sex as well. This wasn’t a one-time anomaly, either. This has been proven time and time again, such as in this study which found similar results — that married couples have more and better sex.

While the sluthood advocates would of course claim that being with someone with no strings attached means your inhibitions will be lowered and there will be less anxiety — leading to better sex — when you think about it logically it makes no sense (like most of the arguments made in the push for sluthood). When you are in a committed, long-term relationship with someone, there’s obviously much less anxiety because you’ve been there and done that already with them. You also know what the other person likes and have a greater connection with that person.

But owning up to this would mean that sluthood advocates would have to admit that even sex is better in a relationship, along with virtually everything else.

Example #5: Dear Abby, Ever heard of contraception?

I’ll spare you having to read the whole the letter which is about a young woman who gets pregnant in high school, marries the father, has the baby, gives up an education at a prestigious university, basically feels she threw away her life. This cautionary Afterschool Special tale is, I guess, meant to impress upon TGITGS the utter irresponsibility of having sex with her boyfriend. See what happened to that other girl when she had sex??

OK. There are many reasons not to have sex, especially if it’s because of pressure from someone else. And lots of people have less than magical first times, although it does get a whole lot better. But Abby’s answer is right out of 1950s.

Dear, dear Abby: I hear there are things out there called contraceptives. I’m not exactly sure what they are since our school won’t teach us about them, and advice columns won’t talk about them either. But rumor has it that I can have sex and not get pregnant if I use them properly. Not only that, there are also some pretty good ways to protect me from STDs. Why are you keeping them a secret? When did you join the abstinence lobby?

If TGITGS loves and trusts her boyfriend and wants to see what all the
fuss is about sex-wise, the advice Abby should give is “If you’re going to have sex, protect yourself from pregnancy and STDs, so you don’t end up forced into a life, any life, you didn’t choose.”

This was documentary filmmaker Therese Schecter’s response to a Dear Abby column in which Abby gives a 17-year-old girl some rather sensible advice about wanting to lose her virginity to celebrate prom night : don’t do it! Abby shares a story from one of her readers of what the possible consequences of having sex as a teenager can be. The femisogynist, of course, completely blows it off. (This is the same woman making a documentary entitled How To Lose Your Virginity.)

See, to the pseudo-feminists, having sex is A-OK as long as you don’t get pregnant. STDs are icky, but a baby is even worse. It’s yet another example of the faulty advice that having sex is perfectly safe and healthy as long as you use contraceptives … because condoms and birth control are foolproof and all. If you’re going to have sex, you absolutely should use protection, but giving girls the idea that it makes you absolutely safe is just not true. There’s always the chance that protection will fail, and that’s even if you do everything right. People also make mistakes in using contraceptives, which makes the chances of them failing even greater. But you won’t hear the femisogynists mention that in their rush to promise that sex will be hunky-dory as long as you just slap on a condom.

Then there’s the ridiculous premise that a 17-year-old virgin should give it up to her more experienced boyfriend, just because he wants to and because it’s prom night.

Yeah, I bet she’ll feel really empowered after that.

Example #6: The Purity Myth

Some of you may already know that I’m working on a book about this culture of purity and chastity, and how it’s America’s obsession with virginity, not Girls Gone Wild and hooking up, that’s f***ing young women up.

Considering all we’ve discussed concerning the risks of sluthood — emotional consequences, pregnancy, STDs — I’d imagine we could agree that encouraging girls to sleep around and engage in the “Girls Gone Wild” culture is much more harmful than encouraging them to exercise some restraint when it comes to sex.

Yet Feministing founder Jessica Valenti and her pro-sluthood ilk proclaim the exact opposite, all the while saying that they have the best interests of women at heart.

The idea that we should teach girls, from a young age, that they should just do whatever makes them feel good in the moment is a ridiculous — and harmful — one. Whether a girl has sex before marriage or not isn’t the issue. The issue is that we shouldn’t be telling girls that Samantha from “Sex and the City” is a role model, and that having sex with no restraint whatsoever is no big deal.

And while Valenti argues that sex shouldn’t have any bearing on a girl’s self esteem, it doesn’t mean that it won’t, or that it’s “a culture of abstinence” making her feel bad. How would a 14-year-old girl’s self esteem suffer if she went to the doctor and found out she had herpes, a disease she had to live with for the rest of her life? Or if a 16-year-old lost her virginity to her boyfriend, who then promptly dumped her? Or if a 26-year-old had to explain to her husband that she’s had twice as many sexual partners as her age? I’d imagine in any of these scenarios that she wouldn’t feel all that confident and empowered. It doesn’t help girls or women to act as if these things shouldn’t or don’t matter. It’s misguided and harmful.

But you won’t hear Jessica Valenti, or her fellow advocates of sluthood, ever own up to that.