Becoming a parent inevitably means that you no longer come first. Once you have children, their wants and needs take precedence over yours. Most parents understand that, and are willing to make the sacrifices necessary for their children. Others? Not so much:

What makes this “moms first” identification so insidious is that for parents, motherhood is a tremendous part of who we are. We love our kids more than anything and our relationships with them are our most treasured. Declaring that loudly and proudly seems like a given. And for those who have been historically undervalued as parents—women of color, in particular—seeing women like Michelle Obama calling attention to her motherhood can be a powerful moment.

But still, identifying as a mom first in a culture that pays lip service to parenthood without actually supporting it has consequences. It means that women are expected to be everything—and give up anything—for their children. Whatever women do that seems to separate them from “true” motherhood is seen as misguided, or at worst, selfish. If we formula-feed we’re not giving our babies the best start in life. If we work outside the home, we must do it with tremendous guilt and anxiety. Time away from our children in the form of an occasional movie or hobby is seen as a treat rather than an expected part of living a full life.

Accepting this role without argument or critique also reinforces political inequity, assuring the powers that be that women can be satiated with political table scraps. If raising children is “reward enough,” there’s no need for paid parental leave or subsidized child care. “Fulfillment” becomes a stand in for structural support, parental joy for actual change.

Yes, Jessica: as a parent, you are supposed to be willing to give up everything for your children. And while it may seem “unfair”, as a parent, you are everything to your children. You are their entire world.

There were also complaints about the idea that mothering is so important because mothers are raising the next generation of children. Well, again… this is very true. Children do not stay children forever, and the type of people they will grow up to me is greatly influenced by how they are parented.

Much of this article reminded me of the sheer outrage from feminists over Natalie Portman’s proclamation after receiving an Academy Award that motherhood would be her most important role.

Feminists attack these things because they are, at their core, selfish and egocentric. The idea that someone or something else could be more important than they are horrifies them; the thought that being a parent will now be their number one priority is terrifying. When you become a parent — mother or father — you are a parent first, before anything else. At least, if you’re a good parent you are, anyway. That doesn’t mean that a parent should have no other identity or interests beyond just being a parent. It does mean that your entire life has changed, who you are has changed, and that there are now people in your life who matter more than you do. And therein is the problem with feminists.

Motherhood and family is important, and it resonates with women more than their movement filled with bitter harpies does. Turning the importance of mothering and parenthood into some ridiculous gender debate is idiotic. More women stay at home with their children than men do, so surely that must equal oppression, right? Ignore the fact that those women choose to stay at home with their children, that they want to be there. Feminists declare it unacceptable oppression, so therefore, it must be so.

Most women naturally feel pulled to their children, and feel that being a mother does define them. Becoming a mother changes you, just as becoming a father changes a man. Life no longer is about you, it’s about them, your children, the lives you created. A good parent does not mind sacrificing for their children, and becoming a mother first does not mean that somehow, you have become devalued in society. No, becoming a mother first makes you more important, more valuable. It elevates you. And selfish feminists can’t understand that, thus their outrage. And rather than looking at themselves, to see how they can rise above their problems, they’d rather drag the rest of us down with them.

Its sad and pathetic, really.