Tell me how hard you laughed when you read that. But yup, Obama really said he was going to kick some ass.

President Barack Obama bluntly defended his administration’s response to the undersea gusher fouling the Gulf of Mexico on Monday, telling an interviewer he has met with experts to learn “whose ass to kick.”

“I was down there a month ago, before most of these talking heads were even paying attention to the Gulf,” Obama told NBC’s “Today” show in an interview scheduled to air Tuesday. “A month ago I was meeting with fishermen down there, standing in the rain talking about what a potential crisis this could be.”

A variety of critics have accused Obama of being too cerebral in his reaction to the undersea gusher now fouling the Gulf of Mexico, of failing to put the full force of the administration and of putting too much trust in oil company BP. But Obama told NBC his deliberations have been more than academic.

“I don’t sit around talking to experts because this is a college seminar,” Obama continued. “We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick.”

Yeah. Because Obama’s a real tough guy. Don’t piss him off, he’ll kick your ass!!

Hearing that come out of Obama’s mouth is like hearing Screech say the same thing to Slater on Saved By The Bell.

I know, I know. He’s trying to show that he cares. And he wants to look like a tough guy, too. One problem: real tough guys don’t warn you that they’re about to kick your ass. They just do it. George Bush got his reputation as a tough, swaggering cowboy type because he personified it. You can’t be an effeminate, liberal girly man and then expect to be seen as an ass-kicker. That’s why this statement is such a joke right now. Obama’s the guy who wears Mom jeans and can’t throw a baseball. He’s the guy who whines about wanting to eat his waffle and the price of arugula. That does not exactly translate into tough manly man. It isn’t genuine and you can tell. It’s pathetic.

Look, I understand why he made this statement. People have been complaining that he’s seemed too emotionless about this. He’s barely had a reaction, aside from a couple of speeches and a photo op. He’s trying to seem like he cares, like it really bothers him. But his actions don’t back it up, which only makes him look even more like a joke. He’s spent his days since the oil spill going to parties, fundraisers, concerts, and hobnobbing with celebrities, politicians, and athletes. And of course, golfing. Lots and lots and lots of golfing.

If Obama wants to be taken seriously about this oil spill, he needs to stop with the phony tough-guy rhetoric, because no one is buying it. He needs to step it up, show some real leadership, and do his damn job. And no, giving speeches and staging photo ops do not count as real leadership.

Of course, that may be asking too much. It’s probably too much to handle a crisis for a president with no experience and no qualifications for the job he now holds.