Yet more proof that the sensitive ponytail guy exists. A new study has surfaced, revealing that millennial men (aged 20-34 years) are comparatively weaker than their fathers. I realize that I may have stated the completely obvious, by the way. The study, in press at The Journal of Hand Therapy states that that millennial men may have significantly weaker hands and arms than men the same age did 30 years ago.

Washington Post reported several findings on the study:

The average 20-to-34-year-old today was able to apply 98 pounds of force when gripping something with his right hand. In 1985, the average man could squeeze with 117 pounds of force.

The sampling of millennial “men” was taken from various North Carolina Universities so the study may be an unfair assessment when contrasted with young men between the ages who are in the target age group and working blue collar jobs (there may be a few of those types hanging around these days) but the results of this study-in-press are telling. I’ve often seen some of these millennial guys and wondered what women their age see in them. I remember my father coming home from his job working on gas manes with dirty fingernails and calloused hands. He is all of 5 foot 6 but I remember him lifting furniture like it was nothing. I, personally, am a bit biased but nonetheless a big fan of flight suits with the faint smell of jet fuel or Marine Corps cammies. (Sleeves up, right ladies?) We’ve gone from the calloused hands and steel-toed shoes to skinny jeans and “work shoes” (when in truth, these guys have not worked a day in their lives.) A firm handshake is replaced with a weak, clammy one! The rugged, sometimes stinky, worn flannel shirts donned by our fathers are replaced by fuzzy pajamas and boys living in their parents’ basement until they find a girl insane enough to take the plunge into a lifetime of marital bliss…where she will get the prize(him) and the added bonus of helping move the furniture into their new home, mowing the lawn (or having her daddy come over and do it because Mr. Handle-Bar Mustache is too busy on Instagram) and helping organize his hair products for his man-bun in the bathroom. He’ll be the perfect partner because he will recognize his other half’s desire to be her own woman so he will let her hold the door for him as they stroll into the nail salon for Pedicure Saturday. He’ll even let her pick out the color of polish he should paint his toenails! And after Pedicure Saturday is all said and done, he’ll document the subsequent Starbucks and Urban Outfitters run with a selfie on Twitter.

The millennial men of today are a step beyond the so-called metrosexual of the early 2000’s. Some circles will call this evolution. Evolution via the mastery of the video game controller. The participation trophy. The one recess our boys get instead of two come fourth grade. The allowance because they are entitled and not the commission because they’ve worked and earned their keep. The texting Olympics. The blurring of gender with 31 flavors of gender classification. The notion that it is somewhat barbaric to be a MAN and that common courtesy and chivalry is “sexist” and just part of a patriarchy. Oh, how, pray tell have these figure 8-scarf wearing boys lost their grasp? Let us count the ways!

But, in all fairness, what can we expect?

Millennial men, grasp tightly onto your onesies and keep drinking your kale smoothies, you doofuses.