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A middle school in Utah requires boys and girls to accept any invitation to dance at their curriculum required school dances. The tweenagers are not permitted to decline to dance. There are so many things wrong with this poorly thought out policy, beginning with “No means No”.
The story is was reported in the Washington Post as “A middle school requires kids to dance with anyone who asks. One mom is fighting for her daughter’s right to say ‘no’”. The school has periodic dances, this one was for Valentine’s Day, where students are taught a few basic ballroom and line dances. The dances are part of the middle school’s physical education curriculum. I am down with this concept. I am down with anything that stops the freaking and twerking. Dancing is good for the body, the brain and the social experience of any child. Unless, that is the program is run by Education College graduates who believe that they can change millennia of human behavior.
Little Miss Azlyn was excited for the dance, had a special outfit and a special boy she wanted to dance with at the shindig. And, then the middle school version of a Social Justice Warrior stepped in. According to the WaPo article:
“I asked if she got to dance with the boy she liked, and she did and she was happy. But in the same breath she was exasperated because she had to dance with the boy she hates.”
Azlyn tried to politely decline the invitation, but the school’s principal rushed over and told her saying “no” was against school rules, Hobson said.
“I just didn’t like it at all,” Azlyn told local TV station KSTU. “When they finally said it was done, I was like, ‘Yes!’ ”
Whatever happened to “no means no”? At this Utah middle school, it doesn’t apply. Little Azlyn’s mother, Alicia Hobson wasn’t having this stuff:
After Hobson recently posted about her daughter’s experience on Facebook, a passionate discussion about the tension between honoring kids’ autonomy and encouraging kindness unfolded. The unwanted dance surfaced concerns about rape culture, teaching children to appropriately handle rejection and respecting boundaries students set for themselves, Hobson said. She raised those issues with Rich Middle School principal Kip Motta.
“Girls HAVE to learn that they have the right to say no and that those around them have to respect that,” Hobson said on Facebook. “I’m not going to quietly stand by while my daughter and all of her classmates are being wrapped up in rape culture. No way.”
And, there I disagree with Mrs. Hobson. This is not just about GIRLS. This is about girls and BOYS. Boys, too, have a right to say no and mean no. Both boys and girls have and can be raped. Sorry, feminists. While rape is pervasive in some cultures (Really, Denmark?), There is no rape culture in the United States. It is a myth.
Boys and girls should both be taught to handle rejection. It is a part of life. Every day life. I remember telling my son, many years ago, when he was going out for a part in a play to not worry about rejection. You may be perfect for a part, but the casting director may have a look in her head, that you don’t fit that look, or height or weight, or sound. Rejection is not always about you. That’s good advice for life. The school isn’t helping with their Fairy Land mentality.
The principal of the Utah middle school related:
In an interview with KSTU, the principal denied that Azlyn was “forced” to dance, but admitted that the school requests students accept all invitations to dance. The dances are part of a physical education curriculum that teaches the kids to do box step, swing, and line dancing.
“We want to protect every child’s right to be safe and comfortable at school,” Motta told the Salt Lake Tribune this week. “We also believe that all children should be included in activities.”
Well then, dummkopf, don’t have boys and girls do the asking. Count off numbers or have all group activities. Sweet Lord of Mercy, how stupid are these Ed School grads?
Apparently, this is a problem not just in middle school, but in elementary school in Utah:
Ana Kasparian and Cenk Uyger are flaming morons. Well, especially Ana. Most boys don’t work around feeling entitled. Do elementary school boys and girls really want to dance with the opposite sex? And Ana, here is a hint: Most men are just as insecure about their body image and feelings as women are. True Fact.
Schools have been going to Hell in a handbasket since they stopped teaching diagramming in English. But, maybe that’s just me. No means no. Learn to take rejection gracefully, Be kind. Use deodorant. Keep your hands to yourself. Boys and girls both have cooties.
For the love of God, get the liberal nimrods out of schools.
“012006-21” by UB1 is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
GWB says: OK, I’m going to agree and disagree.
First of all, it’s middle school, so (IMO) administrators should give less weight to any budding romance than they would in high school. They should be working on building a certain amount of kindness and esteem and clique-busting. (And, yes, that concern should lessen as they advance through the grades.)
And, yes, you are right that they should be protecting the girls (and the boys, too) from what we used to call “undue attention” – positive or negative. That takes something called chaperones.
We also don’t know why this little girl didn’t like that boy. Is he actually a jerk to girls? Or is he part of the ‘out’ crowd? Who’s actually the meany here?
But, a few things need to happen to make this work.
– First, they need to bust* any little kid that is acting in an inappropriate manner toward the opposite sex (or the same, yes, though that might be a different issue than the one you’re confronting here). And not just at the dance, but throughout the school day.
(* Not call the police, but take him to the principal’s office and swat his behind with a paddle. Yes, corporal punishment does actually work.)
– Second, they need to kill that “rape culture” baloney. It just makes girls scared unnecessarily. Teach them competence, instead. (Ladies, when you’re dancing with a guy you are uniquely positioned to physically protect yourself.)
– Third, they need to re-invent an old dance custom called a “dance card”. Some dances will be assigned by teachers/chaperones, others will be open to anyone. The important thing to remember is that dance cards get filled on a first-come basis, and they should not be monopolized by one person – not even a significant other. While it was not a punishable offense, it was considered rude back in the day. (Along with teaching tolerance [remember how important that’s supposed to be?] they also teach strategizing, as some dances may be slow dances, while others are community dances [polka or square dance], or fast dances [jitterbug, etc.]. If a sweetheart wants to get the right dances, they need to get there early and put their name in the right slots.) Even married folk were expected to dance with others (not the ones in a clinch, but still).
I actually think the school tried to do the right thing, but 1) executed badly because they apparently didn’t set good expectations, and 2) haven’t properly dealt with feelings of entitlement by parents and children (you don’t always get to interact with only the people you like – re-read that 4th paragraph again).
Francis says: Good. They take mens money to give to women, men should have access to any of their stinkholes
k says: The next step will be requiring them to dance with perverted members of the same sex, despite their own feelings.
Johnny Lumber says: Pair them up. Since it’s part of the curriculum if you’re the dweeb guy chances are you aren’t going to get a chance to dance and thus your doomed to fail phys ed. Also, seems like the mom has sex on the brain. Ballroom and box step is not grinding. Chaperones should step in at the moment anyone gets out of line.
I learned square dancing in the 7th grade. Back in my day, elementary school ran through the 7th grade. Our teacher was a former marine DI who was tough as nails. I sat near the radiator which needed a special key to turn on. I still remember hearing my name “Hey Lumber” and the key ring would be coming through the air from about 25 feet away.
The cool guys didn’t want to dance. Thought it was dumb. Gave the rest of us a chance with the lookers. Back then just being able to hold a girls hand was a big deal to me.
Middle school dance? I’m skeptical that a guvamint-run middle school has any business running a dance for 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. But *obviously* any girl has the right to reject any offer. The school and the principal are absolutely wrong.
John says: This problem will solve itself. Boys can’t stand dances, socials, and other stupid events designed to bring attention to girls with princess complexes. Dating is in decline, and even grown men are avoiding women in public and in the workplace. Give us another 20 years and school dances will be long extinct. And boys everywhere will rejoice.
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