#MeToo playing as Revenge of the Disappointed

#MeToo playing as Revenge of the Disappointed

#MeToo playing as Revenge of the Disappointed

Is a bad date really The Worst Thing EVAH!!1!@!! that has happened to you?

In what reads more like a Dear Abby letter bloated to feature article size, this tawdry and irresponsible revelation of a girl’s inner voice during a date-gone-wrong with Aziz Ansari is yet another indication of problems of the #MeToo phenom that came to being within about fifteen minutes of its conception.

To recap the piece, we meet the pseudonymous Grace, 22 at the time of her ‘date’ with the 34 y/o Ansari. She relates the ‘cute meet’ — connecting over film cameras at an Emmy Awards after-party that she was attending with another date — and then about another weeks’ worth of flirtatious banter by text prior to the date.

Before meeting Ansari, Grace told friends and coworkers about the date and consulted her go-to group chat about what she should wear to fit the “cocktail chic” dress-code he gave her.

Remember this “go-to” group, they figure prominently later.

Recalling the date begins with this rather strange line:

After arriving at his apartment in Manhattan on Monday evening, they exchanged small talk and drank wine. “It was white,” she said. “I didn’t get to choose and I prefer red, but it was white wine.”

Is this a literary attempt at foreshadowing the evening? Otherwise, I was disturbed by the indication of how Grace behaves – she permits others to lead and direct while she sandbags another transgression for later use.

After the dinner is over and they return to his apartment, the article spends the better part of 21 paragraphs in a, excuse the pun, blow-by-blow description of the sexual activities of Grace and Ansari.

It’s a cringe-worthy endeavor to read, not just because Grace keeps remembering her interior dialogue of feeling uncomfortable accompanied with little girl astonishment that Ansari wasn’t a mindreader, but that she never takes any responsibility for her own part in active participation in sending signals that are easily interpreted as coyness, not reticence. She receives and gives oral sex. Indeed, after she told him she didn’t want intercourse that night, she remained naked and even consented to give him another round of oral sex.

Maybe as an old chick I don’t get it, but wandering around a guy’s apartment in the nude and giving him head when he asks usually is an indication I’m consenting to sexual behavior.

Now, I get that Ansari, if I’m to accept at face value everything Grace says, acted boorishly and too aggressively in trying to get her into bed. However, persistence isn’t assault. Being on the receiving end of wolfish or piggish behavior makes for a bad experience, but an adult chalks it up to a learning experience, not an excuse to engage in public character assassination and virtue-signalling.

Grace says her friends helped her grapple with the aftermath of her night with Ansari. “It took a really long time for me to validate this as sexual assault,” she told us. “I was debating if this was an awkward sexual experience or sexual assault. And that’s why I confronted so many of my friends and listened to what they had to say, because I wanted validation that it was actually bad.”

Ah! Her personal focus group can both choose her clothing and define her date’s behavior! How special. I actually find this sad because it appears that Grace hasn’t learned anything at all, certainly not to stop her own passive-aggressive behavior and take responsibility.

Am I victim-blaming? Only if one considers Grace a victim and I don’t. Am I excusing Ansari’s behavior? Nope, he acted like he was entitled, and that’s obnoxious. High profile men are just as seduced by their celeb-status and all the perks that go with it as the women who want the bragging rights that go with starf*cking.

It is ironic that Grace was triggered by seeing Ansari participating at the Golden Globes …

“It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award,” she said. “And absolutely cringeworthy that he was wearing the Time’s Up pin. I think that started a new fire, and it kind of made it more real.”

… where the industry was engaged in its own round of cynical virtue-signalling.

How did Grace, or any number of women who feel let down by the hook-up culture, get to this place? Feminism, per se, was supposed to both acknowledge women’s personal agency and give them the tools to clearly communicate such. Yet, decades of third-wave feminism and its promotion of male-sexuality as the sexual standard has sold women the proverbial bill of goods. Even more problematic, it has paralyzed women and stripped them of the tools their mothers and grandmothers had in negotiating the terms of sexual encounters.

Here’s a large clue-bat, if you don’t want sex on the first date, don’t go back to the guy’s apartment, get naked, and engage in fellatio.

Grace should type that out and put it on her refrigerator for the next time she starts “catch[ing] eyes every now and then” with a celebrity across the party room.

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29 Comments
  • Timmy says:

    Just think, if he had offered her red wine at the start the whole thing would have worked out just fine…

    You know it isn’t just this one gal, it is a whole generation of women that are like this.

    I am glad I’ll be dead in 20 years.

    • Jim says:

      “After arriving at his apartment in Manhattan on Monday evening, they exchanged small talk and drank wine. “It was white,” she said. “I didn’t get to choose and I prefer red, but it was white wine.”

      This is the behaviour of a petulant toddler coming from a so-called intelligent and self-controlled adult.

      As for being glad to be dead in 20 years I feel the same way: the structure of civil society is being destroyed by self-indulgent poseurs and I cannot see any safe future.

      • Rory says:

        Considering that they went out to a seafood bar for the dinner date, Ansari was being quite a considerate date in not ruining her tastebuds before they got there. White wine is what is usually served with seafood – red is considered too strong and doesn’t match in terms of flavor with seafoods.

        Since we only have the self-indulgent account of whiny Grace, I’m not really buying the idea that Ansari was a complete and total pig either. Entitled at worst; but really, she WENT BACK WITH HIM when he started rushing to the apartment for sex – after her admitting that he spent more time listening to her talk. How in the world is a guy supposed to get ‘I don’t want sex, I want more romance THEN sex’ from… a woman who never clearly said no nor refused any of his advances?

  • Wfjag says:

    Is a competent, adult woman the sovereign of her own body?

    That’s a question which feminists avoid answering.

  • baldilocks says:

    When she went back to his apartment, I stopped reading it comprehensively..

  • Elizabeth says:

    Where is the “sexual assault” in this story? Too, too much.

  • GWB says:

    because I wanted validation that it was actually bad
    Because even you, deep down, knew it was NOT really sexual assault or anything of the sort, but you felt bad about your own stupidity and needed to somehow blame someone else for it.

    if you don’t want sex on the first date, don’t go back to the guy’s apartment, get naked, and engage in fellatio
    IOW, if you don’t want sex on the first date, then don’t have, you know, SEX on the first date. Because she DID have sex with him, just not penetrative intercourse. Or do people still go by the Clinton standard?

    Heather Mac Donald has a good piece in City Journal that hits on how feminism has made handling sexual desire practically impossible nowadays. https://www.city-journal.org/html/policing-sexual-desire-15669.html

    • grayswindir says:

      “….because I wanted validation that it was actually bad.”
      So, she doesn’t trust her own judgement. Not to mention I get the feeling she ignored the folks explaining it wasn’t sexual assault given her conduct, and kept shopping around for folks with the opinion/validation she wanted.

  • Jim says:

    So self-entitled Princess Grace went to the Ball and met someone she thought was her Prince Charming.
    After a brief modern ‘courtship’ she looked to spend quality private time with her Prince, only to find out that he was not a Prince, but a frog and did not provide her with the quality experience she believed was rightfully hers as a real Princess. Now she is complaining because she was weak and made a mistake so she is demanding, in the spirit of the Queen of Hearts, ‘Off with his head!” in punishment for her weakness and poor judgement.

    What an entitled and vain Princess she is!

    • Rory says:

      You see, she really, really thought it would be like a Harlequin romance novel.

      And when it did not have the earth-shaking sex and godlike seduction and mind-shattering orgasms, and romance of course, it needed to be ‘validated as rape’ somehow, because how COULD he shatter her fantasies of what a date needed to be, and he fail to mind read what she clearly wanted (gold digging)?

  • Raghu Ramachandran says:

    Of course if they were in college, Ansari would be expelled under a Title IX charge. Could it be that Grace is expecting her college behavior to be acceptable in the real world?

  • Bob says:

    Sounds like a sex-bot. Just imagine the scintillating conversation. “I wonder if he will make me laugh?” ‘Please blow me’. “OK”.

  • Oldhawker says:

    I’d like to meet this “Grace.” I too, have old-fashioned film cameras, so I have at least half of what she needs in a man to determine she’s sexually ready. It’s very rare that I get head on the first date, and never twice in the same evening; Grace sounds like the perfect date to me. As for the bitching and moaning afterwards…well, I’m a big boy. It won’t bother me a bit.

  • Bandit says:

    These three words come to mind

    ‘Just say NO!’

  • Steve S. says:

    “…accompanied with little girl astonishment that Ansari wasn’t a mindreader…”

    Er, um, my darling and lovely wife of 30 years still seems astonished that I am not a mindreader…

  • JorgXMcKie says:

    I have taken “no” as a no rather than a few times. I have also found that when I did, sometimes it quickly turned into a “yes”. Odd that.
    In fact, I have even taken “no” as an answer from my wife. Sometimes she just isn’t in the mood and I try to respect that. Doesn’t happen often, but why not treat her as if she knows what she’s doing?

  • BobB says:

    Sorry, Ansari

    (stolen from another thread)

  • Martin Weiss says:

    the story is written in the 3rd person but titled “I went on a date…” as if it were a 1st person experience – that’s easily as annoying as getting the wrong color wine

    also how do you recognize a film camera from the flash it makes; the 80s cameras didn’t have good ‘red eye’ suppression except for the really expensive one so I wonder if the images in the “I went on a date…” were really from an 80s camera – also how do you still get film for those cameras and who created the image that she used in the “I went on a date..” story

    in fact the whole thing sounds a bit like grace is bragging at times as well as showing off her photography skill

    • Rory says:

      Yeah, noticed that too. It’s almost as if the person who went on the date with the accused was the writer of that poison pen screed.

      The pettily bitchy reaction to criticism only lends weight to that theory. It sounds too much like the “I have this friend who has a problem” dodge when it’s really the person writing/talking who has ‘the problem.’

  • ball sack says:

    Aziz is a libtard douche, but this is complete bullshit. This broad is nuts, as are her enablers.

  • kentuckyliz says:

    I believe she is an adult that can take responsibility for her choices, sexually and communication-wise. Including taking responsibility for her words in the babe account. So, in that spirit, “Grace” is Abby Neirman, 23, also known as snack.hoe on Instagram. Seems apt. https://archive.fo/cwfnW Good Lord. I had more sense than that at 23.

  • Dave says:

    Perhaps the reason pre-feminist society denied female agency was that females don’t really have agency, they just do and think what other people tell them to do and think. The only difference between women is who they take direction from — the best women are guided by patriarchal fathers and husbands, the worst by friends, TV, and some guy they just met.

    And if you’re the father of a young woman, don’t try to teach her to judge a man’s character — that’s like teaching a dog to play chess. You need to meet the man and judge his character for yourself. Give him some credit for agreeing to meet with you, and have a reasonable appraisal of your daughter’s attractiveness.

  • Robert says:

    She was with a date and dressed to the nines when she chased him and spent the rest of the evening ‘catching eyes.’ Hope the date escaped unscathed. He ‘brushed her off’ but she persisted. He served her white wine because they were going to a dam oyster bar. And she ordered a side salad. She and the ghost writer Katie are nightmares. Aziz is being railroaded by a rejected gold digger (my preferred epithet being not suitable for family viewing). You give these women way too much credit.

    • Jim says:

      Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, but ambitious and cheap modern gold-digger lassies apparently do. Clearly they have little or no self-respect for themselves or any one else as they try to climb the career ladder and gain status.

  • Laka says:

    With 60 in the rear view mirror, I admit I’m just fine with a totally platonic relationship of just receiving oral sex. I won’t ask twice for penetrative sex afterwards. No boorish insistence from me!

  • […] You’ve probably heard about the Aziz Ansari “scandal,” in which a 22-year-old photographer (“Grace”) had a bad date with the 36-year-old TV star. Darleen Click’s take on the story is excellent: […]

  • Mel Thomspon says:

    The main question for me, as a liberal is one of mercy. Whether guilty or not, convicted or not, liberalism used to pride itself in the belief that perpetrators were human beings. It was the worldview of redneck conservative bigots that anyone guilty of a crime should be hounded to death without mercy. Well, now, frankly, we liberals have outdone the conservatives is just totally unprincipled heartless, vengeful, vindictive mercilessness. And it makes women look bad in this way: Women had one moment in history where they held the absolute power of destruction of anyone they liked, and instead of using that as a time to enact mercy, forgiveness, and reconciliation, and to change the laws for the better, they put all their energy into just personally destroying anyone who offended them slightly and trying to destroy anyone who disagreed with them for any reason. Well, it looks horrible. I used to be a believer in the maxim that if women had power, they would wield it in a much more merciful way than men. Instead they reveal that they had nothing but personal revenge up their sleeves as they look to destroy every man they’re unhappy with and cash in anywhere and everywhere they can with a ruthlessness I’ve never even seen most redneck bigots I knew. So, it’s the worst public relations idea for women ever. And all those articles about, “Why are men being silent on #MeToo,” are written in ignorance of the fact that, as Al Franken can tell you, apologies, vulnerability, humility, a willingness to come to the table — all of that is met with sneering, snarky merciless hatred. So, why in the world would a man of any power get anywhere near any of this? Every person who does speak out against #MeToo who has any power, never gets told, “Valid criticism. We’ll have to look at that.” Instead they are met with an all out attack and threatened with total career destruction until they come to the mike blubbering in total chastened submissiveness. What on earth? The movement is creepy and weird, and its major proponents are, to quote “American Hustle” “all gross inside.” There is nothing loving about this movement. It’s all moral darkness. I leave with a quote by Rose McGowan who says, “If I appear to be merciless, it’s because I am.” And I believe her. Yes, I believe her movement really is as merciless as she wanted it to be. And to the extent that women support not merely accusing the guilty or innocent, but being merciless towards them, well, that’s looks just horrible for women. It plays into all of the very, very worst things sexists have been teaching about women for decades. The much-vaunted “backlash,” in fact, won’t happen in public, but quietly, as men forever decide never to marry, never to be around children, and to try to work in as segregated a way as possible from women. Predatory, perverted behavior is bad, but it’s not as bad as utter mercilessness. Many people hit on me in sleazy, predatory and perverted ways, but none of them every wanted to hound me to death and destroy me. #MeToo women want to hound people to death and destroy them, which makes them infinitely worse, morally, than the people they’re after.

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