Kristen Bell Has Fears About Unwoke Disney Princess

Kristen Bell Has Fears About Unwoke Disney Princess

Kristen Bell Has Fears About Unwoke Disney Princess

When you are so woke that you worry about the lessons an un-woke Disney Princess is teaching your daughters, maybe you need a nap. Kristen Bell, we are looking at you. We are gonna do this one, just for fun, because of three things: 1. Actress. 2. Walt Disney Company. 3. Fairy Tale Character. Right? Right.

Okay, so here is the skinny, um, well-fed, but not overindulged, on this story. An alleged actress by the name of Kristen Bell, never heard of her, gave an interview to Parents Magazine. I don’t remember Parents Magazine selling stupid when I was reading it, but times have changed. So here is what the alleged actress really, really, really said to the interviewer:

“Every time we close Snow White I look at my girls and ask, ‘Don’t you think it’s weird that Snow White didn’t ask the old witch why she needed to eat the apple? Or where she got that apple?’ I say, ‘I would never take food from a stranger, would you?’ And my kids are like, ‘No!’ And I’m like, ‘Okay, I’m doing something right.’”

The apple question is not the only one that Bell—a Disney Princess herself as the voice of Anna in Frozen—has after reading the tale. “Don’t you think that it’s weird that the prince kisses Snow White without her permission?” Bell says she has asked her daughters. “Because you can not kiss someone if they’re sleeping!”

Kristen; may I call you Kristen? Good. I am gonna help you out here because, like totally, you have no concept of context. “Little Snow-White” was written in 1812 by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm. In olden times, food was not always plentiful, even for princesses. A roving merchant offering a free apple might have been an early example of “sampling”. Or, it could have been a freaking plot device.

Let’s take a look at the offending “kiss” scene.

I thought that was sweet. But, not you. No.

You asked your daughters (ages 3 and 5, by the way) if they thought it was weird that the Prince kisses Snow White without her permission? Dayum, you are stupid and you are scarring your children for life. The Prince kisses Snow White to save her life. And, it’s a fairy tale. Have you never been so overwhelmed with love for your children that you leaned over and kissed them while they were sleeping? If not, I am so very sorry for you. Has your husband never kissed you awake? Have you never kissed your husband awake? Run back to the room where your children are and tell them that it can be perfectly fine to kiss someone when they are asleep and you will discuss it further when age appropriate.

It’s a freaking fairy tale. Dayum.

DISNEY’S CINDERELLA QUAD POSTER for the March, 2015 release of the most recent Disney version of “Cinderella”

Another stupid alleged actress is Keira Knightley. I have seen her in those “Pirate” movies. I say “alleged actress” because “sick cow face” is not an acting genre. Miss Knightley has banned Disney Princesses from her home because:

In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, the 33-year-old actor explained her aversion to some of the Disney princess films. The issue? The way women are portrayed in films like Cinderella, which Knightley says is banned from her home because the princess “waits around for a rich guy to rescue her.”

“Don’t. Rescue yourself, obviously,” Knightley said.

Well, have you read the story, Keira? Cinderella was not a strong, powerful woman of today. She was a little busy keeping house and acting as personal servant to three other women. They did not believe in the sisterhood. They did not raise her up. Cinderella was a kind, thoughtful, survivor. You are a flaming moron.

Actors and actresses have always been a manufactured lot. I don’t know why I let their brain droppings wind me up like this. Childhood and fairy tales and fantasies are so wonderful and magical and fun, and I sure enjoyed them in both my childhood and my son’s childhood. They are such an amazing blessing and can lead to an amazing life.

Unless your mother happens to be a humorless, woke, idiot actress. I am going to adjust my crown and walk away humming A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes, Bitches. I added that last bit.


Feature photo credit: Cosmopolitan Disney Screen Grab.

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  • Jim says:

    Hasn’t anyone told this apparently famous person of whom I have never heard that it’s a Fairy Tale and not real. Also has she so little understanding of [mainstream] children that she doesn’t understand that they generally understand that fairy tales are just fantasy, whether about charming princes or scary monsters? [I used the term ”mainstream” because I have had intellectually impaired autistic clients who do believe that what they see on screen is literally true, so one of my lads did try to fly of the roof of the farm shed like Superman, but such children are the exception to the rule.]

    • Neal M Stevens says:

      Hasn’t anyone actually watched this movie? Doesn’t anyone seem to remember that everyone involved — both the Dwarves and the Prince believe that Snow White is freaking DEAD! They put her body in a glass coffin — that’s not something one usually does (without permission) to someone who’s sleeping. They do it to preserve what the believe to be her body.

      And when the Prince comes, he gives a kiss NOT to someone who, by some odd perchance happens to be in the habit of napping a glass coffin, but rather he’s been seeking this girl who he fell in love with at first sight only to find her dead — and so he plants a kiss on her dead lips.

      Okay, now that may seem a bit odd to modern sensibilities — but in the romantic context of a nineteenth century fairy tale it makes sense — note that he gives her lifeless body a kiss and then kneels in prayer — as one would expect someone to do before the remains of a loved one.

      And then — as per the evil witch’s prediction, love’s first kiss miraculously restores her to life.

      It’s not just that she was asleep and he woke her up. She was dead — in the grip of the sleeping death — and his kiss restored her to life.

      Or, if you want to think about it in symbolic terms, she was in the midst of childhood — that is, girlhood — until she took a bite of the forbidden fruit — the apple, at which point she undergoes a ritual death until the first kiss of man causes her to undergo an awakening — a rebirth as a woman — and then she leaves behind the world of childhood that she spent with the dwarves and goes off with her husband.

      Either way — she wasn’t just asleep.

  • Paul says:

    I think the Prince kissing Snow White would fall under “implied consent”, such as when you perform CPR on someone.
    Why anyone would follow these dumb-asses for advice and wisdom is amazing.

  • joe says:

    I remember my last visit to DisneyPlace – those little girls dressed up as princesses (at great expense to their parents) really buried themselves on the part. They would walk right at you and expect you to get the hell out of the way. Kind of sapped my enjoyment of a really expensive day. Haven’t been back in a decade, thereabouts.

  • David says:

    These women are absurd and have no concept of how a story works. It’s like the rare conservative I sometimes run across who reads 1984 and is incensed that, on being led into Room 101, Winston Smith doesn’t grab a machine pistol from one of the guards and blast his way out of the Ministry of Love like Chuck Norris, only not so wussy.

  • Micha Elyi says:

    Still, I too share misgivings about Disney Princesses though perhaps not for all the same reasons. James Lileks once referred to Disney Princesses as “crack for girls.” He’s right about that. Girls are, as sociologist Dr. Warren Farrell describes, “genetic celebrities” already without any psychological reinforcement of that potential for narcissism from Disney.

    There’s a time and age for Disney Princesses and it’s not when girls are very little. I didn’t put that nonsense in front of any of my daughters when they were three years old either. My advice to parents has always been, #1 “Tiny people are people,” and #2 “Throw away your TV.”

    When your children are very little, read them Mother Goose rhymes and the early Dr. Seuss books. A little older, move on to tales such as Aesop’s fables and The Little Red Hen. The Little Golden Books versions are well illustrated but try to find versions with copyrights older than 1970, the stories have been greatly dumbed down and PC-pussified since then.

    Before your children reach elementary school read the Grimm’s versions of the old stories yourself, then wait until your children are old enough to handle it. (Do the same for all the Grimm’s fairy tales such as Little Red Riding Hood, The Snow Queen, Briar Rose [aka Sleeping Beauty], Hansel and Gretel, The Princess and the Pea, The Pied Piper of Hameln, and Bruderchen and Schwesterchen. If you think the Grimm brothers’ tales are too rough, start with Hans Christian Andersen’s stories.) Then read them the stories before bedtime. Sometime later, read it again but pause to discuss the story at the plot’s major turning points. Ask leading questions that can’t be answered with just a yes or no. (Examples: Why does the widowed King’s new Queen want to Snow White cast out? Why does the Pied Piper take all the boys away from the town? Why does the uninvited fairy curse the infant Briar Rose?) Ask what wisdom do they think the story is trying to illustrate. Ironically, only after your girls can hear the Grimm’s versions are your girls mature enough for the Disneyfied versions.

    After your girls are exposed to Disney Princesses, read them Frances Hodgson Burnett’s A Little Princess. Some time afterward, ask your girls about Sara Crewe, Cinderella, and Snow White–to compare and contrast the stories and how each of these young ladies showed their inner goodness and nobility. Ask if they want to grow up to be that kind of princess inside or the kind who is only a princess on the outside, always bowed to, called “Princess”, cares for nothing but having the prettiest clothes and the most jewels, and treats everybody around her badly.

  • Zokmaster says:

    That’s too bad. Kristen seemed like one of the somewhat reasonable Hollywood creatures, too.

    Guess that’s what I get from judging someone by their part in a car rental commercial…

    I should have learned that lesson from OJ.

  • “It’s like the rare conservative I sometimes run across who reads 1984 and is incensed that, on being led into Room 101, Winston Smith doesn’t grab a machine pistol from one of the guards and blast his way out of the Ministry of Love like Chuck Norris, only not so wussy.”.

    Actually, I suppose that as methods of “suicide by cop” go that wouldn’t be a bad one and possibly one Winston would have thought better then what his actual fate was. And it’s not like he had much left to lose at that point by trying it even if it was foredoomed. >_>

    But yeah, the entire point of the book was the depressing air of Party Omnipotence that made even thinking of such a thing impossible. In order to be the sort to try that you would have to have come from outside the culture and that point we’re talking a completely different sort of story. ^_^

  • Andrew X says:

    Why DOES the pied piper take all the boys away from the town? And I am explaining this to which pre-elementary school kids?

    • Suburbanbanshee says:

      Most versions have him steal all the kids. Which is why he gets associated with infectious diseases today.

      But “Don’t trust strangers, but don’t torque them off by not paying for goods and services” is a pretty common moral to German stories. The whole Nibelung thing, for example.

  • Rick Caird says:

    So, Bell is advocating that Snow White be left “unawoke”. Strange position for her to take,

  • DEEBEE says:

    How come such a realist cat is watching a fairy tale? Should she not be watching the reality of toxic white males poisioning the world.

  • GWB says:

    An alleged actress by the name of Kristen Bell, never heard of her
    Yeah, she’s already opened her pie hole with some other intersectionalist lunacy a while back.

    I don’t remember Parents Magazine selling stupid when I was reading it
    Your kids must be a whole hell of a lot older than mine, then, because a lot of their stuff was crap in the late 90s to 00s.

    fairy tales
    Yeah, those have been horribly adulterated in the last few decades, unfortunately. We had a book of fairy tales for our son that I hated – things like the little gingerbread boy doesn’t get eaten, which is the whole friggin’ point of the story.

    And, yes, Toni, don’t let these airheads get you spun up.

    • Toni Williams says:

      GWB- my son was born in 1988. He is adopting his wife’s daughter from her first marriage. H is nine years old and I absolutely am appalled at the absolute excrement that is out there in Parents magazine and elsewhere.

  • Pete says:

    Perhaps in the “Woke” version, Snow White succumbs to a poisoned COSTCO sample?

  • Mark says:

    Yes, the apple is a plot device. But I don’t see the harm in reinforcing that this is why you don’t take food from strangers.

    The kiss? She’s on her own there.

  • Justnacl says:

    Keira Knigtley does have some acting ability, which POTC did not really allow her to show. She was delightful as Elizabeth in one of the film versions of “Pride and Prejudice”, where, of course, “a rich guy” saves her and her family, out of love, thru marriage.

  • Tyler says:

    This reminds me of when a classmate of mine said, “Why should Mulan have to dress up as a guy? She should’ve been able to go as herself and not have to dress up as one.” Of course I immediately commented back telling her A.She did it because she cares about her father B.Disney decided to do a really cool thing and base a movie off of a real historical figure, you should look her up. C.I don’t sesee any reason as to how this can be insulting in any way.

  • The title of the faeiry tale isn’t Dead Beauty; it’s Sleeping Beauty. Sure, as adults we recognize that she’s “dead,” but for kids young enough that you’re reading them bedtime stories, or who are watching a Disney Princess film on DVD? They’re not likely to be entirely cognizant of that, either in a literal or a symbolic sense. And while it’s wonderfully romantic to kiss you spouse or lover awake, how do you suppose a total stranger who’s dozed off on a park bench would react to the same liberty? The prince isn’t Dead Beauty’s lover; he’s just some guy who’s seen her before, from afar, and who’s smitten.

    Faeiry tales were designed to be instructive as well as entertaining, but the issue is that they’re instructing behaviors and ideas that are centuries out of step with the modern world. While lessons like ‘don’t take food from strangers’ are more or less timeless, ‘it’s okay if a stranger kisses you while you’re asleep, so long as he’s handsome and he thinks you’re really pretty’ maybe isn’t the most 21st century ideal one can teach to little girls.

    • GWB says:

      A lot better than what the little girls are being taught by modern culture, the school systems, and third-wave feminism.

      • Steven Weller says:

        Wow – really? “Let a man assualt you in your sleep; it’s okay so long as he’s been stalking you (and he’s handsome)” is a better message than the 21st Century stuff of empowerment, equality, and permissiveness?

        Just… wow.

        • GWB says:

          You’re obviously an idiot, since that’s not even remotely the message from the fairy tale.

          And, yes, that’s marginally better than the third-wave feminist, intersectionality, amoral and immoral, anti-historical, irrational, uncritical-thinking bullcrap the public schools are propagandizing.

          • steven Weller says:

            “And, yes, that (meaning “Let a man assault you in your sleep; it’s okay so long as he’s been stalking you (and he’s handsome)”)’s marginally better than the third-wave feminist, intersectionality, amoral and immoral, anti-historical, irrational, uncritical-thinking bullcrap the public schools are propagandizing.”

            …kinda’ says it all. Thanks for playing, though!

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