Resident Joe Biden cannot run the country or eek out a coherent sentence sometimes but he knows the “key” to a successful marriage.

Full disclaimer: make sure you are not reading this next sentence if you have a weak stomach or you have a mouthful of freshly-brewed coffee. . They “key”, ladies and gents, is (drum roll please)….

“Good sex”.

This has not been the first time Joe has mentioned sexy time with Jill. I admit that the visuals have killed any appetite I had for breakfast this morning. Imagining the crusty, old Democrats getting freaky in the bedroom may ruin any prospects of food and sustenance for the rest of the day. But, I have questions. What middle school did he say this at? Does Jill lead him to the bedroom like she leads him off the podium?

And…how does she get him to partake in a little afternoon delight?

This dude can barely walk up a flight of stairs without falling and tripping over himself. You expect me to believe he’s in the White House bedroom beating the bricks off of Jill?

Yeah… I’m gonna call this fake news.

— Zeek Arkham 🇺🇸 (@ZeekArkham) February 23, 2024

“Ohhhhh Joey, I’ve got a nice pudding cup for you waiting (wink, wink)…just follow me, Big Guy.”

Cue the Barry White. I mean, does Joe Biden pop the Viagra BEFORE he takes off his adult diaper or AFTER? Does he talk to dead people while he does the ol’ deed? Does he sniff Jill’s hair and imagine she’s a 7 year-old girl? Does he nod off mid-coitus? Or does he nibble Jill’s ear off about foreign policy and the economy to the point that she exhausts all of the energy out of him? This may explain why he falls asleep whilst meeting with dignitaries.

And, I cannot even imagine the dialogue coming from Jill’s end.

Jill: Give it to me, you lying dog-faced, pony soldier…
Joe: Only if you play DOCTOR, babe!

Probably one of the biggest questions of the day that I have is: why are we talking about the sex life of these two old geezers? Perhaps the answer lies in a forthcoming book titled “American Woman: The Transformation of the Modern First Lady, from Hillary Clinton to Jill Biden” by author Katie Rogers.

I know what you’re thinking. We’re gonna hear about Hillary Clinton’s sex life, too? There is not enough eye bleach to prevent those visuals.

It’s just part of the leader of the free world’s lusty ways, according to the tell-all ‘American Woman: The Transformation of the Modern First Lady, From Hillary Clinton to Jill Biden’ by New York Times scribe Katie Rogers. It recounts numerous cases over the years of Biden creating awkward moments by opining publicly about his proclivities.”-Josh Cristenson, The New York Post

So, in that timespan, we have Hillary “I wiped it with a cloth” Clinton. Michelle “The Bedroom’s My Runway” (nod to her idol, Beyonce) Obama, Melania Trump (maybe the good NYT author will just skip over her) and Jill (my husband likes ice cream and little girls) Biden.

Proclivities.

Yep, Joe Biden’s secret to happy, healthy, wedded bliss all of these years is “good sex”. While the jokes write themselves, there are deeper, more sinister questions that lie beneath the surface of these satin White House sheets in the First Bedroom…

Joe Biden never did say with whom this “good sex” is shared. Sure, there were a few times Joe alluded wishing he was “making love to his wife” but, we know Joe is a bit freaky-deaky. How does he warm-up to this union? In the shower with a much younger family member? There’s certainly more than erectile dysfunction going on here.

This guy??? pic.twitter.com/DX765qWNtr

— MoonSoon (@BigApe67180594) February 24, 2024

It seems as though the narrative of Joe Biden has taken a sharp turn from the 2020 Campaign. In 2020, we had the honest-to-goodness “gentle grandpa” Democrat candidate, Joe Biden, who will lead America back to being kinder again. In 2024, where it seems everything is hyper-sexualized, to include our Kindergartners’ education, we have Joe Biden, 81 year-old sex machine. Fornicator-In-Chief. Viral. Masculine. The media wants the American people to know he’s still “got it”. Joe Biden is a true, manly-man (snicker).

You know what’s manly? Taking care of your wife. Not putting your sexual conquests with her on display. (I mean, obviously, you’ve been married this long, there must be some physical intimacy involved. This goes without saying and does not need an advertisement.) Furthermore, not only taking care of her but of your children, your grandchildren. Ensuring their protection. This sometimes means, not parading your sex life around (or involving them, for that matter). That’s manly. That’s honorable. Those are the “keys” to a great marriage.

But Joe Biden, and Jill Biden, are shameless and desperate. Their campaign is grasping at straws and hoping the media follows suit. They want America to know that Joe Biden is vigorous and “with it”. He’s not. Not in the bedroom, we are sure though we have NO desire to find out first-hand. And NOT for another four years at the helm of our country.

Photo Credit: Original Artwork by VG, Darleen Click