“Shitter was full.”

Cousin Eddie

There is a reason why I don’t do things that involve port-a-potties. Being born at this time, means that I have ready access to magnificent porcelain modern conveniences. Even Holiday Inns have flush toilets. And, air conditioning and showers. NONE of these things are available at Burning Man 2023, which is surely why I was too uninterested to look up the purpose of this Clusterquark before this year. I heard it rained in the Nevada desert and so the week plus long festival is a mess. I looked up the festival and, good Lord, this thing is going to sink under the weight of it’s own pretentiousness. According to the website:

Burning Man Project’s mission is to produce the annual event known as Burning Man and to guide, nurture and protect the more permanent community created by its culture. Our intention is to generate society that connects each individual to his or her creative powers, to participation in community, to the larger realm of civic life, and to the even greater world of nature that exists beyond society.
We believe that the experience of Burning Man can produce positive spiritual change in the world. To this end, it is equally important that we communicate with one another, with the citizens of Black Rock City and with the community of Burning Man wherever it may arise. Burning Man is radically inclusive, and its meaning is potentially accessible to anyone.
The touchstone of value in our culture will always be immediacy: experience before theory, moral relationships before politics, survival before services, roles before jobs, embodied support before sponsorship. Finally, in order to accomplish these ends, Burning Man must endure as a self-supporting enterprise that is capable of sustaining the lives of those who dedicate themselves to its work. From this devotion spring those duties that we owe to one another.
We will always burn the Man.

It’s like Woodstock with principles. Ten principles, to be exact:

The 10 Principles of Burning Man
Burning Man co-founder Larry Harvey wrote the 10 Principles in 2004 as guidelines for the newly-formed Regional Network. They were crafted not as a dictate of how people should be and act, but as a reflection of the community’s ethos and culture as it had organically developed since the event’s inception.
Radical Inclusion
Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.
Gifting
Burning Man is devoted to acts of gift giving. The value of a gift is unconditional. Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value.
Decommodification
In order to preserve the spirit of gifting, our community seeks to create social environments that are unmediated by commercial sponsorships, transactions, or advertising. We stand ready to protect our culture from such exploitation. We resist the substitution of consumption for participatory experience.
Radical Self-reliance
Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise and rely on their inner resources.
(Image: Join the conversation in the 10 Principles blog series.)
Join the conversation in the 10 Principles blog series.
Radical Self-expression
Radical self-expression arises from the unique gifts of the individual. No one other than the individual or a collaborating group can determine its content. It is offered as a gift to others. In this spirit, the giver should respect the rights and liberties of the recipient.
Communal Effort
Our community values creative cooperation and collaboration. We strive to produce, promote and protect social networks, public spaces, works of art, and methods of communication that support such interaction.
Civic Responsibility
We value civil society. Community members who organize events should assume responsibility for public welfare and endeavor to communicate civic responsibilities to participants. They must also assume responsibility for conducting events in accordance with local, state and federal laws.
Leaving No Trace
Our community respects the environment. We are committed to leaving no physical trace of our activities wherever we gather. We clean up after ourselves and endeavor, whenever possible, to leave such places in a better state than when we found them.
Participation
Our community is committed to a radically participatory ethic. We believe that transformative change, whether in the individual or in society, can occur only through the medium of deeply personal participation. We achieve being through doing. Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play. We make the world real through actions that open the heart.
Immediacy
Immediate experience is, in many ways, the most important touchstone of value in our culture. We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience.

What a bunch of pretentious shite. No wonder the shitter’s full. So much for that principle of “radical self-reliance”. Not every participant was downcast about the downpour in the desert. Chris Rock provided the port-a-potty color:

With access in and out of Burning Man closed for the time being, a new dire problem has arisen: No one can clean or empty the portable toilets. Among others, comedian Chris Rock, who appeared to be at the festival, pointed out the problem. The issue will likely only get worse with upwards of 70,000 people currently sheltering-in-place.

“From what I understand, because of the flooding, the port-o-potties reportedly can’t be emptied. And because the gates are closed, people can’t get in to fill generators or deliver supplies,” wrote Rock in an Instagram story that has since disappeared but was circulating around social media.

Does this fall under “Radical Inclusion” in dysentery? Don’t worry. There is NO EBOLA!

UPDATE FROM BURNING MAN
This woman works for the hospital on site at #BurningMan. The only thing of real concern seems to be her dreads.
▪︎They have zero people coming in with Ebola or even Ebola-like symptoms.
▪︎FEMA is not on site.
▪︎There is no fence being put up

pic.twitter.com/dIIx11ZbST

— Angelus caelorum (@CaelorumAngelus) September 4, 2023

No Ebola. No FEMA. Tons of White chicks with dreadlocks, I noticed. It’s a Trustafarian Campout!

70,000 white women with dreadlocks are currently trapped at burning man

— (@cooIguy99) September 3, 2023

According to this report, Joe Biden has been briefed. Stop laughing over there. I can hear you. Stop.

You know why this wouldn’t happen to Conservatives and Libertarians? We would have checked the weather forecast and a few of us would understand LOGISTICS! Hippies are way too random. You know what a muddy campout is called in the Army? A Field Training Exercise.

So, if by some chance you are at Burning Man and you run into me and want to tell me about your experience, DON’T.

Hippies with full shitters, NO.

Featured Image: Mack Reed/flicker.com/cropped/Creative Commons