Is anyone else sick and tired of being lectured by vapid celebutards about the virtues of socialism, and how we should just accept authoritarianism and stop fighting the inevitable theft of our earnings and achievements? Is anyone else done with fuckwits telling us we should be more like Cuba, because they get shit free? While Cubans get medical treatment in third world shitholes and basic goods are in short supply, there’s one thing the government subsidizes with no problems: condoms.

That’s right, boys and girls!

The Cuban government subsidizes condoms for its citizens – something that third-wave femorrhoids have been demanding since ObamaCare became a “thing” – in a quite ingenious strategy to control its population growth, because dog forbid they have to distribute more of their substandard government services to more people!

They’d be even more substandard than they are now, if that’s even possible! So what do you do? Discourage breeding as much as possible, and hope that the condoms are effective enough at keeping the population at a manageable level (the substandard health care and lack of basic food and services will take care of the rest)

Really, guys! This is a brilliant plan! We all know that logically that the supply of free shit will eventually run out if too many people demand it. So how do you make it run out a bit slower? Simply control the population!

Of course it’s still not enough, and apparently Cubans are still struggling under the boot of the corrupt communist (but I repeat myself) economy that had been foisted on them by the Castros.

Despite rich soil and 20 percent of its population working in agriculture, Cuba imports more than 60 percent of its food, at an annual cost of about $2 billion.

Cubans, who on average earn about $30 a month, receive a monthly package of subsidized food from the state, including rice, beans, eggs and milk for young children.

To make up for shortfalls at state-run stores – which worsened after the collapse of its Soviet benefactor – Cubans were encouraged to grow urban gardens or cultivate small plots of land for personal consumption.

Just this year, Cuba actually dipped a hairy, fungus-encrusted toe into the waters of private ownership.

On July 22, Cuba’s government voted in favor of a draft for a new constitution that includes the right to own private property. The reforms were presided over by Miguel Diaz-Canel, who became Cuba’s president in April, replacing brothers Fidel and Raul Castro, who had governed the island since 1959.

We’ll see how this works out. I have my doubts, as do some of the older farmers who actually understand supply chains and economic development.

Cuba’s decision to change its constitution and allow private property ownership has been shrugged off by small farmers, who say the island will never feed itself without far broader reform of state-run agriculture.

Economists would expect farmers to welcome the shift towards private property after decades of strict government control left the island dependent on food imports and farmers unable to earn a decent living.

[…]

“Making it easier to buy land won’t really change much if I can’t get diesel,” said 41-year-old Gonzales, pointing to his idle Soviet-made tractor. “They (lawmakers) give lots of speeches but nothing changes… My whole life is working on the land, and I have nothing to show for it.”

So as you can see, the situation in Cuba hasn’t improved much, since Obama lifted the embargo, putting a crimp in the whole “It’s America’s fault that Cuba is an economic shit show; and if the US hadn’t sanctioned us, we’d be just fine!” narrative. But the Cubans are nothing if not slick and adaptable, so they’ve turned the condoms their government hands out in an effort to control their breeding into an ingenious resource!

CHILDREN in Havana use them as slingshots. At birthday parties and concerts they are makeshift balloons. Women use them to secure their ponytails. Drivers use lubricated ones to shine the dashboards of their vintage Chevys. Revellers sneak them into nightclubs, filled with rum. Fishermen use inflated ones as floats. Winemakers stretch them over the necks of large glass bottles, which they use instead of oak casks. An erect one means fermentation is still producing carbon dioxide; a deflated one means that the process is complete.

Condoms have lots of uses in communist Cuba, where many essential goods are in short supply. Islanders claim, implausibly, that during the “special period” of hardship that followed the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991, people used them as pizza toppings.

So the fact that necessity is the mother of invention and that people will creatively adapt to hardships is not news. The fact that socialism destroys economies is not news. But hidden in just the first paragraph is a bit of insight into just how bad things still are in Cuba, which still lacks basic, sometimes frivolous stuff like hair ties and balloons.

Food is scarce, poverty is rampant, water scarcity is a thing, but hey – at least the condoms are cheap!

(Featured photo courtesy of: https://www.flickr.com/photos/52793080@N03/40883181461)