Another day, another Lefty scribbler who feels he is all that and a bag of chips in trotting out hoary old stereotypes of flyover country yokels.

Do your eyes need a little exercise? Well, you can’t get much better than rolling them over ostensible comedian Ben Kawaller’s advice to Ivy League professors to move inland and teach docile conservatives.

I am not a Republican. I have nothing against Republicans on an individual level—some of my best Twitter followers are Republicans. But I don’t have the temperance for conservatism. I do not conserve; I spew. Liberally.

But you know what’s nice about Republicans? They raise happy, obedient kids.

I guess I shouldn’t expect a West-Hollywood-dwelling gay guy to know much about raising kids … but instilling how to be polite public is not the equivalent of “obedience”.

You have to understand that WeHo denizens feel superior in their rainbow-hued echo chamber. And even though they are nestled in the bosom of Los Angeles, they are very talented at denying the horrible conditions of that city and county — conditions born of their ideology. What horrifies them are places like Arkansas.

Their respect for authority alone is intoxicating. I recently spent a few days in rural Arkansas, where I met a whole bunch of Republicans, and all their kids called me “sir.” I didn’t even have authority over these children, but by the time I left I felt like an army general.

Each of these kids was humbler than the next. For my purposes, in fact, it was less than ideal—I was shooting on-camera interviews and looking for big personalities, and between “Yes, sir” and “No, sir,” these were some of the most abbreviated answers ever captured on film.

Ben then launches into a myriad of other red state stereotypes … the Iowa family who homeschooled for the past 3 years …

I spoke with the guy’s twelve-year-old son, who hadn’t seen the inside of a classroom since he was nine. “How many years is that?” I asked the kid. The math was beyond him, but he was very respectful.

Oh wow, homeschooling makes kids stupid! Ba-dum tish … am I right?

How original!

How wrong.

Ben’s not done … there’s the charge that many of these docile kids are the result of beatings.

In a town outside of Little Rock I witnessed a grown man slap a two-year-old for playing with her food. I admit, it did make me grateful to have been raised among nice liberal people who know not to smack children as a matter of course, and so only ever do it out of uncontrollable rage. But watching this man threaten his sobbing toddler with more corporal punishment, I did have the reassuring thought that at least in twenty years she probably won’t be at Berkeley agitating for an intifada.

Hilarious! Comedy gold, right there! Right along with his closing line of the column about God being the original fascist.

Why Ben isn’t doing a Netflix special is just beyond me. The “Docile Republicans” Tour. It’s a total winner. He could be making enough money to actually afford a home in WeHo.

We’ve been here before. How our Progressive Betters look upon the great unwashed of non-Democrats living beyond 50 miles of either coast as gorillas-in-the-mist. This type of contemptuous “othering” is pervasive and why you have Democrats in a panic over 2024. They really feel most of the country should just shut up and do as they are told.

It’s not that conservatives are really docile, it is the fervent wish from people like Ben that we be so.

featured image, cropped, Adobe stock standard license