Why Women Need to Stop Hating on Candace Cameron

Why Women Need to Stop Hating on Candace Cameron

I woke up this morning to hear there was some major controversy about Candace Cameron (aka D.J. Tanner of “Full House”) floating around the Internet. Immediately, I wondered what the heck she said that caused such a stir. So, let’s get started there:

“I love that my man is a leader. I want him to lead and be the head of the family and those decisions, major decisions, do fall on him,” she told HuffPo Live. “It doesn’t mean I don’t voice my opinion. It doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion. I absolutely do. But it is very difficult to have two heads of authority.”

The former “Full House” star wrote a book, “Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose,” and wrote, “I quickly learned that I had to find a way of honoring his take-charge personality and not get frustrated about his desire to have the final decision on just about everything. I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work.”

…The definition that I’m using with submissive is the biblical definition,” she explained. “It’s meekness. It is not weakness. It’s strength under control. It’s bridled strength.”

Any time someone mentions that word “submissive”  — the female audience in this country refuses to hear anything else. That’s unfortunate — because we are each entitled to live in the way that works best for us.

This isn’t an oppressive society in the Middle East — this is a land that offers us the ultimate privilege of freedom and choice to live our lives however we choose.  If it doesn’t work for you, don’t do it — but I am tired of the criticism of women who choose to live their lives in ways that may contrast what’s culturally popular or “politically correct.”

From the pages of almost any woman’s magazine, you will see bright statements about being proud, reaching your goals and being the best you can be. Apparently, this doesn’t include women whose lives don’t reflect what modern feminism claims is “right.” (Marie Claire tweeted this.)

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 6.46.47 AM

I’ve read a lot of Christian-based and non-Christian-based books on what makes marriage work and how you should approach it. Whether there’s a Bible verse attached or not, both members of the relationship must make submissions to one another.Otherwise you’ll be in a marital hell bubbling with selfish aspirations.

In the passage above, Cameron says, “I quickly learned that I had to find a way of honoring his take-charge personality.” Any of you married ladies ever have to find a way to honor personality traits of your husbands that are difficult (not wrong or immoral, but difficult)? Think your husbands have had to do with the same with yours? Yes. Unfortunately, people simply dislike the framework Cameron presents it in.

As Cameron explained, “it’s meekness, not weakness.” Meekness is that act of being strong enough  — and humble enough — to surrender your desires for that of someone else. And in case you didn’t know, God calls EVERYONE to be meek, including those pesky husbands.

In his best-selling book, “The Meaning of Marriage,” Timothy Keller writes:

“Paul writes, controversially, that wives should submit to their husbands. Immediately, however, he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and ‘gave Himself up for her,’ which is – if anything – a stronger appeal to abandon self-interest that was given to the woman…each partner is called to sacrifice for the other in far-reaching ways.

Whether we are husband or wife, we are not to live for ourselves but for the other. And that is the hardest yet single most important function of being a husband or a wife in marriage.” 

What’s my point? Being a “submissive wife” is something that really only makes sense in context — and if both parties understand and agree with one another about what that really  means. Anyone can twist or abuse the verse but if understood correctly,both parties will put the other’s best interest first and sacrifice their selfish desires for their partners.

The reality is, not every situation or argument has a tidy ending. Sometimes, one person in a marriage must let go of their “right” — or every marriage would fail. If the verse is taken correctly, both parties have an equally strong voice in the context of what God calls for.

So, what if you don’t believe in the Bible or if you are not a Christan? Then, feel free to disregard all this talk. Run your relationship however you choose — that’s your perogative and I will not criticize you for it! However, take a minute to recognize that — if we are all to be supportive of other women and their choices — that includes the choices that don’t always jive with our personal beliefs (within reason, of course.)

If a woman like Cameron speaks honestly about her marriage — and gets nothing but criticism from the larger female community — what does that say about that community?

In the words of Rihanna (great, right?), “So live YOUR life.” And let others live theirs.

Cameron Instagrammed this pic after the outrage surfaced, with the caption, “Nothing weak about this, people talk about what they don’t understand.”

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Get more from Ericka Andersen at her personal blog, The Sweet Life and follow her on Twitter

 

 

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16 Comments
  • CJ says:

    Absolutely. Tolerance is meaningless if it doesn’t include viewpoints other than one’s own.

  • MushKat says:

    This was spot-on. The feminist movement has moved beyond any resemblance of *feminine* and into the role of quintessential bullies. Brava for a great article.

    • GWB says:

      Bullies. Exactly right. This is always what the feminist “movement” was about – bullying others to gain control. Are there some important things that “feminists” have done? Perhaps. But the “movement” – the political grouping of folks who styled themselves a certain way and defined ‘feminism’ in many ways – has always been about bashing others to simply get their way.

  • Kate says:

    Ericka? Clap, clap, clap.

  • DAN says:

    GOOD FOR YOU CANDACE. YOU GET THE MESSAGE.

  • Rick says:

    My wife is the dominate personality in our relationship. Her strengthens are my weakness and vice versa.

  • Carol says:

    Bravo! Amen and well said, written. You make me want to take up the feminist cause again. Thanks for sharing.

  • Carol says:

    Bravo! Amen and well said, written. You make me want to take up the feminist cause again. Thanks for sharing.

  • Catherine Wilkinson says:

    The smartest thing I ever heard about marrriage or relationships was from my father-in-law…”It’s never 50/50….it’s 80/20 and it goes back and forth all the time”

    • Jacee says:

      In my marriage it’s 100/100. If I can’t put all of me into my marriage than I shouldn’t have the right to be in one. It wouldn’t be fair to short-change my life partner of that kind of love and commitment. Trust me…it takes far more strength to tame control. There is no weakness in that kind of submission. After all, I can handle my 12 gauge shotgun just fine! My husband taught me well!

  • Kimi says:

    Thanks for your take on this. Really unbelievable this is such a huge deal to people.

  • Bonnie says:

    I agree with you in the big picture. But the big picture does not work.

    I was in a relationship where I was expected to be submissive both had been quite religous and faithful. But according to some church progative, the wife must be submissive to the point that she must serve the mans every need no matter what. That we are defined by how well we serve our mans every move, and we had not even been married.

    When I was told that I was to give up my education to get ready to get married, have babies, stay home and serve the house because that is what god expected of me, this is when I started questioning my own values. The pastor in question told my then….. fiance, that he might even have to get stern and harsh with me to get me to understand my place. He was encouaged to berate me, belittle me, get me feeling uncomfotable to the point I would conform. That 80/90 was supposed to be 95/5 all the time.

    To say that ended the relationship and my relationship with the church would be an understatement.

    I don’t object to people who step back to serve their husband. But please don’t judge me for choosing to not let myself feel like a doormat

    • Ginny says:

      I don’t know what church you were attending but it was certainly not a good, Bible Centered church and that “pastor” was a power hungry loony. If you truly sought studied The Word and sought The Lord – His Holy Spirit would have quickened your heart to the false teachings and “witchcraft” (i.e. manipulation) that your ex and his “pastor” were practicing. It is tragic that you are “throwing out the baby with the bath water” when you should be using this as a learning opportunity to dig deeper into The Word and get to know Our Lord in such depth that you will become the strong, discerning Woman of God that He would love you to be… and then use your strength and wisdom (gained through your right relationship with Our Lord) to help other women who have been manipulated and deceived to break free and become strong, healthy Women of God like Candace.

  • aharris says:

    Sounds like her marriage and mine are similar. I love and trust my husband 100%, and we think very much alike for the most part. He always asks my opinion on things, and he always very much takes what I say and think into account. And because I trust him, I have no trouble letting him make the final decisions on almost everything. Similarly, when I do have a decision of my own to make, I usually run it by him to get his take and take it into account when making my choice, even if I ultimately wind up going my own way with it.

    And because this system works so well for us and has for over 15 years, we both know that when one or other of us really puts our foot down strong on something, it’s serious and not a matter of selfish whim, but that seldom happens.

    It is a matter of the verse. Each side views the other Biblically and is willing to make small sacrifices of submission for the other rather than live selfishly all the time. It helps avoid conflict and doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself or be a doormat at all, but both partners have to work at it. That’s why marriage is a partnership.

  • JezebelBlue says:

    If you say that this is a free country, then why should those who are hating on Ms. Bure stop? Don’t they have the same freedom? And, just because Ms. Bure has a right to live her life how she wants, does not mean she is not free to be criticized. This is a mistake made in this article.

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