Just when we think we’ve heard the stupidest thing ever, we see things like this.

An NSA official, writing under the pen name “Zelda,” has actually served at the agency as a Dear Abby for spies. Her “Ask Zelda!” columns, distributed on the agency’s intranet and accessible only to those with the proper security clearance, are among the documents leaked by NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden. The columns are often amusing – topics include co-workers falling asleep on the job, sodas being stolen from shared fridges, supervisors not responding to emails, and office-mates who smell bad.

Stolen sodas?  Am I the only one who finds this hysterical?  This is the agency that literally knows where I was at 1600 hours last Tuesday (by seeing the electronic purchase I made at the grocery store), what I ate for my evening meal (by seeing that I used the internet to find a recipe), and that I talk a lot of smack about them all day, every day (by reading all my email and Facebook and everything else).  These guys can listen to a conversation from the other side of the world, and have every detail about me cataloged for retrieval at a moment’s notice but, somehow, can’t figure out who’s stealing their soda out of the community fridge.  Seriously?

One particular day, however, an employee had a real concern:

Here’s the scenario: when the boss sees co-workers having a quiet conversation, he wants to know what is being said (it’s mostly work related). He has his designated “snitches” and expects them to keep him apprised of all the office gossip – even calling them at home and expecting a run-down! This puts the “designees” in a really awkward position; plus, we’re all afraid any offhand comment or anything said in confidence might be either repeated or misrepresented.

Needless to say, this creates a certain amount of tension between team members who normally would get along well, and adds stress in an already stressful atmosphere. There is also an unspoken belief that he will move people to different desks to break up what he perceives as people becoming too “chummy.” (It’s been done under the guise of “creating teams.”)

What?  A power tripping, nosy boss in the NSA? Say it ain’t so.  What a crazy idea.  I mean, it’s not like the NSA even believes in power tripping and being overly nosy or anything, right?  /sarcasm.

The letter goes on to talk about how the trust in the workplace is being eroded, and the anonymous writer signed it “Silenced in SID.”  Zelda responds with an interesting idea.

Dear Silenced,

Wow, that takes “intelligence collection” in a whole new – and inappropriate – direction. …. We work in an Agency of secrets, but this kind of secrecy begets more secrecy and it becomes a downward spiral that destroys teamwork. What if you put an end to all the secrecy by bringing it out in the open?

Now that’s rich.

Here’s a novel concept.  How about you guys focus on finding some foreign threats to national security?  And while you’re at it, get out of my mail, get off my computer, and go read the Constitution.  One more thing…go buy some more pop.  Someone’s apparently stealing the ones in your fridge.  Morons.