The precise origin of April Fools’ Day is a bit mysterious, but one thing is patently clear: We are surrounded by fools, and we here at VG love to point out those of all persuasions. And, oh, is the list long. So to honor this annual day of tricks and pranksters, we give you the top eight “winners” in the Pool of Fools competition. Let’s start at the bottom.

8. Obama autographed baseballs for MLB Opening Day

Is nothing sacred? The Narcissist in Chief—who throws worse than a first year T-baller—offered his serfs fans signed baseballs in honor of MLB Opening Day 2014, with an accompanying photo of the baseballs he signed…in 2009. Perhaps the leftovers can be sold on Ebay for $17 18 trillion.

7. Rachel “Slobbering ObamaBot” Ray

Ms. Ray hosted, via satellite, Uncle Joe Biden hocking, you guessed it, Obamacare. Nearing tears, the blubbering Ms. Ray thanked V.P. Biden for helping to give the country Obamacare, and begged those knuckle-headed youngsters to get covered. Clearly Ms. Ray is as in-touch with Americans as the Obama Administration thinks it is.

6. Employees boycotting Mozilla because its CEO is pro-traditional marriage

In yet another display of the Left’s commitment to tolerance, some employees of Mozilla (Firefox) are urging Mozilla’s CEO to step down because—gasp!—he believes in marriage between a man and a woman, as affirmed in California’s Prop 8 (shh, so do the majority of voters in Cali). While we can debate that stance all day long, the issue is one of intolerance for anything that “offends” the Left. Free speech, as long as it’s our speech. Here’s an idea: Go work somewhere else.