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Joe Biden celebrated being 81 and the oldest resident ever in the Oval Office with a cake that rivaled The Great Chicago Fire of 1871. His staff must all hate him to release the photo of Pyro Joe with that cake. The ratio for Pyro Joe was yummy delicious.
Just in case you haven’t seen Pyro Joe and the Great Birthday Cake Fire, here it is:
Do you remember in the beginning of the movie, “Get Out,” when the protagonist hits a deer?
The cake is a symbol — like the deer.
It shows us what’s coming.
— #ThePersistence (@ScottPresler) November 21, 2023
In my experience, after about the age of 10, most people use just one candle or two numeral candles, like an eight and a one. The candles cannot be lit and blown out fast enough to avoid getting wax all over the top of the cake. Can you picture Joe blowing out the candles and slobbering all over the cake. Yum, cake with drool and candle wax. And the Good Lord only knows what diseases Joe has. Ewwww.
Some of our greatest Right-thinking minds weighed in with their own humorous thoughts on The Great Birthday Cake Fire. Bonchie from Red State:
I’m going to make a suggestion, controversial as it may be, but if you have to put so many candles on a cake to mark your birthday that it goes up like a George Floyd protest, maybe you are too old to be president.
Imagine being the staffer who had to prep the cake. You go to college, get a degree, network for years, and finally what you think is your dream job only for it to be tediously putting 81 candles on a birthday cake so the president can grin like a Cheshire cat as the world burns around him. It’s a tough scene that wasn’t lost on those responding as the picture went viral.
The wonderful Byron York from the Washington Examiner channeled my thoughts about Biden’s staff not liking him:
JOE BIDEN’S BIRTHDAY CONFLAGRATION. On Monday evening, President Joe Biden’s X account posted a photo of the president sitting before a birthday cake with what appeared to be a million candles on it. Well, not a million candles, but 81, in honor of Biden’s 81st birthday. Having so many flaming candles gave the impression of one large fire atop the cake, with flames licking toward the ceiling. As birthday cakes go, it was an inferno, a firestorm, a conflagration. The fire appeared big enough to set off smoke detectors and send Secret Service agents scrambling to ensure the president’s safety. It was, in all, an amazing picture.
Could there be any more effective statement that the president is very, very old? The photo was such a powerful expression of Biden’s age that outsiders immediately wondered how in the world the White House came to release it. After all, polls show majorities of voters, Democrats and Republicans, believe the president is too old to serve a second term, even as Biden gears up his reelection bid. Nevertheless, the White House posted the picture. Who knows? Maybe David Axelrod or the Republican National Committee got temporary control of the Biden X account. In any event, the phrase “campaign malpractice” does not even begin to describe what the White House did.
Campaign malpractice, indeed. Pyro Joe making the joke about turning 146 doesn’t make 81 sound any younger.
Jimmy Kimmel played a guessing game with his audience about Biden’s age:
“Joe Biden turned 81, which means he’s not only the oldest President ever, he’s older than just about everything in the world. I am going to name an item, you guess if Joe Biden is older or younger than it. Okay?” Kimmel said as he began the bit.
“Joe Biden was born November 20th, 1942. Is he older or younger than Tupperware?” Kimmel asked.
Answer: “He is older than Tupperware.”
“Okay, next up, the Slinky. Is Biden older or younger than the Slinky? And.. that’s right it was 1943. Older than the Slinky,” Kimmel said.
“Cornflakes! Is Joe Biden older or younger than Cornflakes? Oh, you might be surprised. He’s actually quite a bit younger, they were invented in 1906,” Kimmel continued.“How about the Bra? Younger or older than the Bra? We’re mixed on that one. Biden is younger than the bra!” Kimmel proclaimed.
As the gag went on, Kimmel revealed that Biden is older than Betty Crocker cake mix (1947), is the exact same age as two ply toilet paper, and is older than Kitty Litter (1947).
Iraq even made a special video for Joe’s birthday, but didn’t include his conflagration cake:
Mrs. O’Leary’s cow was blamed for The Great Chicago Fire of 1871. The fire did start in the O’Leary barn, however, an investigation determined that the cow in question was not in the barn at the start of the fire. In 1997, both Mrs. O’Leary and the cow were exonerated.
Pyro Joe will never be exonerated for the bonfire he has made of our nation, our economy and our military.
Featured Composite: Beatrice Murch/flickr.com/cropped/Creative Commons and Darleen Click for Victory Girls
Hate_me says: In Joe’s defense (excuse me a moment while I vomit after saying that), I only ever want an accurate number of candies on my birthday cake. No numeral candles for me.
If I ever make it to 81 and I’ve managed to make any friends by that point – they better count out all 81 candles. If I make it to 1,000 (like I hope to), I’ll accept a rum cake with no candles but you better set the damned cake on fire.
Kandahar Joe is a horrible human being and quite possibly the worst President our nation’s ever had. Still, he’s allowed to make bad jokes about his age.
He was a failure as a politician and a failure as a father, decades ago. His age is a canard.
Liz says: Agreed and well said (except for that wanting to live to be 1000 bit, I don’t want that…unless I go back to feeling about 30 again).
Michael Morelock says: I wish I had the Photoshop chops… but I’d love to see a meme with the CNN reporter and crawl over the picture of Biden’s burning cake, with a caption about it having been a ‘mostly peaceful birthday celebration’… can somebody do that for me? Please?
American Human says: I’m thinking that he had to grab the table to keep himself from flying backwards from trying to blow out the candle. You know, for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction.
That sorta thing.
GWB says: And, the dumb thing is, all they really had to do was make a nice big sheet cake, and those candles would have been a lot further apart and much less… inferno-like.
Also, I think, like the economy, they’re lying about the numbers. I don’t believe they really got 81 candles on that cake. I think they got through ~4 boxes of 10 and said, “No one will be able to count them, anyway – especially not Joe.”
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