As you can tell from the title, I have no sympathy for, nor am I quivering with joy at the return of Joshua Boyle to the West after five years of captivity at the hands of the Haqqani network. I may sound heartless, but so what?

I feel bad for his wife Caitlan Coleman, who unsurprisingly was allegedly raped by her captors. I feel sorry for his innocent children, born in captivity, and especially his infant daughter who was supposedly murdered by these savages (Boyle’s claims – not sure if they’ve been substantiated). I feel bad for the innocents caught up in Boyle’s ignorant actions. I don’t feel bad for him.

A timeline of events paints a limited picture of the couple’s activities before and during their capture, leading to the rescue that saw their return.

July 2012 — Joshua Boyle and Caitlan Coleman travel to Russia. They later move on to Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan and finally to Afghanistan over the course of several months.

Oct. 8, 2012 — Caitlan Coleman’s father hears from Boyle for the last time before the couple is captured. Boyle said he was in an internet cafe in what he described as an “unsafe” part of Afghanistan. The last withdrawals from the couple’s bank account were made Oct. 8 and 9 in Kabul. An Afghan official later said the couple had been abducted in Wardak Province, a rugged, mountainous Taliban haven.

Late 2012 or early 2013 — Coleman’s first child is born. Coleman was pregnant at the time of her capture, and her due date was in December 2012.

June 4, 2014 — Coleman’s family releases two videos of Coleman and Boyle in captivity, saying the clips were provided to the family in 2013. Boyle and Coleman are seen calling on the U.S. government to free them and their child from Taliban captors.

November 2015 — Coleman’s family receives a letter from Coleman in which she says she has given birth to a second child in captivity.

Aug. 30, 2016 — A video of Coleman and Boyle is posted on YouTube. In it, the Boyle says that their captors will kill them and their children “if the policies of the Afghan government are not overturned, either by the Afghan government or by Canada, somehow, or the United States.” A Taliban official has said the video was recorded in 2015.

December 2016 — Another video is posted online, this time featuring Coleman, Boyle and their two young children. In the video, Coleman urges governments on all sides to reach a deal to secure the family’s freedom.

Oct. 12, 2017 — U.S. officials say Pakistan secured the family’s release. According to officials, Coleman had a third child while in captivity. In a press release, the Pakistani military says Boyle and Coleman will be “repatriated to the country of their origin.”

The stupid.

What kind of tool takes his very pregnant wife on a backpacking trip to one of the most terrorist infested holes in the world?

What kind of ignoramus takes his very pregnant wife to a WAR ZONE?

What kind of moron breeds in captivity? What kind of imbecile does so several times? I get contraception may not exactly have been available to them out there, but there are other – natural – methods one can take to prevent pregnancy. But no, that moron bred three times, after taking his pregnant wife on this little journey of “enlightenment.” While in captivity by one of the most vicious terrorist groups in the world. Ostensibly leading to the murder of his infant daughter.

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly compared Boyle and his family’s ordeal to “living in a hole for five years.” Well, they certainly bred like horny rabbits in that hole. I’m assuming Boyle knew where babies come from. I’m assuming he knew methods to avoid pregnancy, which while not foolproof, could have at least tried to prevent the birth of innocent babies in Haqqani captivity.

I’m sorry, but Darwin should have bitch slapped this dunce down. Hard.

While I feel more sympathy for Coleman than I do for Boyle, I’m at a loss to explain why she blindly followed her halfwit of a husband into the mountains of Afghanistan while much pregnant and lugging a pretty significant backpack in addition to the baby growing inside her. Did she think the Haqqanis would be more receptive to filthy hippies if they acted sympathetic to their cause? Did she not know about Boyle’s terrorist ties? Did she think this was going to be an adventure of a honeymoon?

Terrorist sympathizer?

Boyle wasn’t exactly your typical westerner. He was married to the sister of an accused terrorist fighter held at Guantanamo Bay. Zaynab Khadr, the eldest daughter of al Q’aida was a fierce defender of both her father and her brother, Omar Khadr, who was captured as a 15-year-old fighting with the Taliban in Afghanistan and charged with killing an American soldier.

Boyle introduced himself to the family, because he was oh-so-enlightened about human rights and later acted as the Khadr family spokesperson when Zaynab staged a hunger strike on Parliament Hill to protest her brother’s detention, and he married her about a year later.

It was the third marriage for Zaynab. The first two were arranged: her first husband was sought as a conspirator in a bombing of the Egyptian Embassy in Pakistan; Osama Bin Laden was one of the guests at her second wedding in Afghanistan.

Back in Canada, Zaynab created controversy in 2004 for controversial remarks she made criticizing the way children were raised here and suggesting that the Sept. 11 terror attacks were justified.

Boyle defended his wife for her earlier remarks. In an email exchange with a Citizen reporter, Boyle said his relationship with Zaynab had taught him that no one can accurately judge the character of a person they’ve never met.

I guess I’m just not as “enlightened” as Boyle. I do believe you can judge a book by its cover, and in this case, this doofus exhibits all the signs of terrorist-sympathizing dumbassery, including the look he’s sporting in photos.

And while the media wrings its hankies and cries crocodile tears over Boyle’s and Coleman’s plight, it for the most part ignores obvious questions that need to be asked.

Something doesn’t gel with Boyle’s story. In his comments to the media after his rescue, Boyle referred to himself as a “pilgrim” on a mission to help ordinary villagers in Taliban-controlled regions of Afghanistan. A “pilgrim” is a believer who makes a journey to a sacred place for religious reasons. What possible spiritual enlightenment was to be found in a terrorist hot zone?

He claims his captors killed his infant and raped his wife in retaliation for his “repeated refusal to accept an offer” from them. But he certainly appears to have very willingly done some videos for them, claiming his Haqqani captors would kill the family if their policy demands weren’t met.

And yet, this is not a typical Haqqani MO. They launch suicide attacks. They supply the Taliban with bombs. They raise money and finance terrorist acts. Extortion is a main source of funding for these savages, but they don’t appear to be big on political extortion. In an interview a former Haqqani commander called extortion “the most important source of funding for the Haqqanis.” Their demands about government policy changes don’t seem to be consistent with their usual activities.

The Haqqani thugs usually demand money as ransom, and the United States has reportedly paid nothing to secure the family’s freedom. We apparently provided intelligence to the Pakistani forces to help free them, but it’s odd, considering Pakistan’s well-known support for the Taliban and Haqqani.

Boyle and Coleman had at least two other kids in captivity. They obviously had enough privacy and care to have gone through several pregnancies and births. I can’t imagine that’s normal for a typical kidnapping – especially in a war zone.

And they got mail pretty quickly – especially for westerners held by a terrorist group in Afghanistan.

And then, after an ostensibly dramatic rescue, they refused to board a U.S. plane, choosing instead to take a commercial flight to Canada. One would think that after years in hell, he’d be on the very first flight to the West, no matter where! Could it be he was nervous about the debriefings he would obviously face after five years in Haqqani hands?

In other words, I have absolutely zero confidence that Boyle was in any way a victim. I don’t believe he and his family were kidnapped and held for five years as a captive.

I believe he’s a terrorist sympathizer, who dragged his pregnant wife to a Taliban stronghold for political reasons.

And while I’m glad his children are out of terrorist hands, I have very limited sympathy for Coleman, and literally none for Boyle.

At best he’s a knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing nitwit. At worst, he’s a terrorist sympathizer and facilitator, who needs to be tried and imprisoned.