How to be a better husband
How to be a better husband
MSN has an article today on How to be a better husband. These are always popular, as men seem completey incapable of figuring women out, and women seem completely incapable of figuring men out. I may not be so good at the figuring men out part, but I can usually offer some pretty good advice on how to figure us girls out. So if you’re curious how to be a better boyfriend or husband, go read their article.
If you also want to learn what you can do beyond the obvious stuff listed in that article (and to me, it was all very obvious), then keep reading.
Recently, Michael and I went out bowling with another couple. The guys were, of course, great while us girls just kind threw the ball down the lane and hoped for the best. After a few minutes, they started “coaching” us — telling us how to hold the ball, how to spin it, etc., etc., etc. They would try to correct our form before every turn. (If you don’t get where I’m going yet, then I’m sorry for you.) She and I both started getting frustrated and upset, because guess what? It. Drove. Us. Crazy. We were fine with the advice the first time, but before and after every single turn? We both were about ready to start plotting to kill them about halfway through the game until they wised up and just let us bowl.
Moral of the story? Don’t try to solve her problems. Women don’t need that, and especially not from the man they’re looking to for support. If she’s had a bad day and is venting to you, she doesn’t want you to offer her advice or solutions (she’s likely just to get pissed off the more you do that). If she’s upset about something, be there to comfort her. Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help, but she’ll probably tell you no. This is where listening comes into lay. Tell her OK, but that if she needs you, you’re there for here. Beyond that, leave it alone.
Fast forward a little. You’ve now won her heart, and how much of this do you still do? Giving her flowers and gifts on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day don’t count.
Here’s my advice. Bring the romance back to the relationship. Send her flowers regularly — say, once a month or so to her office. Everyone there will be jealous of her, and she will feel like the luckiest, most loved woman on the planet. Leave work an hour early to make her dinner (or pick it up on the way if you absolutely cannot cook, but arrange it all nicely on the table if you do) by candlelight. Let her sit down and relax while you serve dinner to her. Surprise her with little love notes in her car or under her pillow. Whatever you may choose to do (these are just examples), be romantic, and often. Treat her like you were still pursuing her — don’t get complacent because you’ve already won her heart.
Think back to the last time you and your girlfriend or wife went out on a date. I’d be willing to bet that after she finished getting dressed and ready to go, she probably came out and asked you, “How do I look?” If you responded “Fine,” then you failed the test. She’s not asking you if she looks presentable; she’s wanting to hear from you that you still find her wildly attractive!
Try this. Next time the two of you go out somewhere, rather than waiting for her to ask you how she looks, respond immediately. As soon as she makes her appearance, say something — whether it’s a “Wow!”, or to tell her, “You look stunning.” Beat her to the punch. She’ll probably be glowing the rest of the night.
And don’t just wait for date nights. In the morning before she leaves for work, when you’re both walking out the door to drive off, add in a “You look gorgeous” to your goodbye kiss.
The bottom line here is to compliment her, and often, even if it’s for no real reason. It’ll make her feel like a million dollars.
Two friends of mine are married, and Colin was telling me one day about his policy when it comes to his guy nights. When his buddies suggest going out somewhere, the very first question he asks is, “Is my wife invited?” If the answer is no, he’s automatically not interested. Now, Tara, his wife, does not always go with them — 9 times out of 10, she stays home. But the point, as Colin explained, is that if Tara is not welcome, then he isn’t interested.
Now imagine how much more valued and secure this makes his wife feel. The point here is not to bring her with you to all of your guys’ night outs. The point is to make her feel welcome and not left out. For one thing, it will put her mind at ease — she’ll be much less likely to badger you about who you were with and what you were doing (a plus for you). For another, it will make her (again) feel incredibly special and important in your life.
How often do you tell her that you love her? If it’s only, say, when you get off the phone, then you should be telling her much more often. Don’t be afraid to just tell her how much you love her all the time. Don’t overdo it, obviously, but it seems that much more genuine when it seems to come at random. Don’t be shy of telling her how happy she makes you, or that you’re so glad she’s in your life. It’s the easiest of all of these to do, and can make a huge difference.
These are just a few hints and tricks I would advise you to try out. Making your wife or girlfriend feel like she’s the luckiest woman in the world is not difficult; it just takes a little effort. If you’re willing to put in that extra effort, it will go a long, long way.