Dumb Idea of the Century: “Don’t Steal Anything” Day

Dumb Idea of the Century: “Don’t Steal Anything” Day

Liberals come up with idiotic ideas fairly often, so it’s not surprising to see one surface. But I think this idea takes the cake: a national “Don’t Steal Anything” holiday.

Let’s all of us citizens take a vow to not steal for one whole day. We already have a Smoke-Free Day, a Secretary’s Day, a Mother’s Day, a Grandmother’s Day and Valentine’s Day. Let’s have one more holiday: a Don’t Steal Anything Day. The benefits will be immediate: There will be bumper stickers that read, “I didn’t Steal Anything Today.” The Hallmark cards will have their usual holiday bumper crop and, best of all, the huge flow of unfilched cash will send the economy soaring.

This holiday will only work if it is observed by big thieves, not just small fry. Cookers of books, Ponzi schemers, scrupleless traders, and accountants addicted to drugs and gambling will need to observe the day as much as petty cashiers, banking clerks, parking-meter attendants, coin-laundry collectors, slot-machine operators and traffic court judges. Not everyone will observe — just like not everyone stops smoking on Smoke-Free Day — but if enough people try, the results will be palpable.

Theft-Free Day will get better every year until we can eventually expand it to a Theft-Free Week. Imagine! A whole week during which no one steals anything. Hard to imagine, I know, but everybody used to smoke, too.

I know that I’m a dreamer, but what if we had a whole Theft-Free Month, like Poetry Month? April is traditionally Poetry Month, but there is no reason why it shouldn’t double in the future as Theft-Free Month. Well, I’m not going as far as to suggest that everyone should observe a whole month without ripping anything off — that’s probably a bit visionary. Certainly, professional thieves will be exempt: That’s their job, after all, and they have enough problems with something called the law.

Still, even if we left out the people who make a living at it — muggers, bank robbers and the like — it would still be something if all the rest of us so-called law-abiding citizens — regular folks like Wall Street tycoons, CEOs and just-plain professionals, contractors and workaday drudges — would take our hands out of the till for a day, a week or a month. We would simply quit taking bribes, faking receipts, padding expense accounts and inflating budgets for that short time.

Of course, real criminals are exempt. Which means that this liberal genius is basically saying that all of us common, law-abiding folks are apparently still criminals in some fashion! And bumper stickers proudly saying, “I didn’t steal anything today”? I mean, gee, why don’t we just brag about not murdering someone next?

I’m sure that the government will be exempt from this holiday as well, right?

Hat Tip: Moonbattery

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  • syop says:

    What about government theft? I wouldn’t have to pay my taxes for that day? That’d be Sweet!

  • syop says:

    Oh I just read the last line exempting the government… 🙁

  • Mat says:

    It’s all about symbolism. The left loves their emotion (without logic) and symbols. This is just another example of that. Instead of stupid vows, let’s just not steal…period. No fanfare, no bells and whistles. Oh yeah, I forgot that would require substance…

  • Mark says:

    I’m all for a “Return To Saneness Day” when millions of Americans throw up in their cereal bowls when they become sane again and see who’s the president and what he’s doing to destroy the US,

  • mj says:

    Is this a known problem for liberals?

    This reminds me of one time when I was buying a Bible at Waldenbooks. The guy at the register couldn’t find the embedded metallic strip to deactivate it (and prevent the alarm at the door from going off). Unable to resist, I snarked, “Do you have much of a problem with stolen Bibles here?”

  • Don Carl says:

    If anything comes of this, I vow to steal any flyer, card, poster, etc advertising this stupidity.

  • Maddmedic says:

    Well lets have a “tolerate liberals day” while we are at it.
    Okay I was just kidding!!!

  • Chris M-G says:


    Don’t we do that every day?

    And why don’t we just make it a don’t steal year, just to round it out?

  • Christian says:

    Let’s make that an everyday thing…oh wait…that would be hard.

  • Justin says:

    Come on, this is pretty obviously satire. Between the hallmark cards, bumper stickers, professional thief exemption and poetry month it’s pretty clear that the man isn’t serious.

  • Instinct says:

    How bout the next one we have is “Get a F****ing clue day!”

  • Shaniquequa says:

    You can’t really compare stealing to murdering. Plus it sounds more funny to me so hell, get a sense of humor.

  • WayneB says:

    This is actually a VERY interesting insight into the Liberal mind. Of course, a couple people above have touched on it, but think about what this says about the way these people think:

    The notion that someone would think a plan like this would make a significant difference indicates that they think that the majority of people steal on a regular basis. It’s expected that most anyone you meet is a thief. If this is the basis of the Liberal mindset, then we shouldn’t even be the least surprised that the Obama Cabinet is filled with Tax Cheats, or that the Democrat leaders in the Banking Committee would protect the bad dealings of AIG, Fannie, and Freddie.

    That would also explain why they don’t seem to know they are full of it when they accuse others of being thieves and liars.

  • Spurwing Plover says:

    Other dumb ideas is this stupid THE EARTH HOUR where the eco-weenies want us all to turn off our lights for 60 minutes to stop this GLOBAL WARMING poppycock bull kaka I mean liberal come up with the dumbist ideas

  • Slamdunk says:

    Imagine encouraging people to not steal for a day without recognizing the need to connect thieves to something that will reduce their interest in stealing everyday (religion)–sounds like an overwhelming failure.

  • newshutz says:

    I think this is ironic.

    Andrei Codrescu is often ironic.

  • Christopher says:

    Why stop at stealing? Here’s my bumper sticker for Don’t Kill a Liberal Day:

    “I Tolerate Liberals (by not hanging them on April 1st)”

  • Spurwing Plover says:

    What else will liberal pea-brains come up with now? Its enough we now have a HARVEY MILK DAY and a CEASAR CHAVEZ DAY now its this LIBERALS ARE SUFFERING FROM MASS LOSS OF BASIC INTELLEGENCE

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