Mark Tapscon at Acculturated has a post up about how to be a gentleman, and why.

In an age in which pop culture teaches us that bad behavior gets rewarded and quiet dignity gets ignored, why bother? In a time in which – Ms. Fagan aside – many young women take offense at being treated like ladies, what’s the incentive? Why be a gentleman?

Because being a gentleman elevates you above the mass of men around you. Not in the shallow sense that knowing how to order a drink with confidence makes you more suave than the other guys in the bar; but in the substantial sense that conducting yourself according to an honorable code of behavior sets you apart from the crowd and sets the standard for other men. It isn’t about your looks, the kind of car you drive, your financial standing, your education, or any other superficial factor; it’s about, if I may borrow from Martin Luther King Jr., the content of your character. And character, to borrow from Heraclitus, is destiny.

Tapscon is correct on both counts: men need to act more like gentlemen, and women don’t seem to want to be treated like ladies. It’s a nice thought, the resurgence of gentlemanly behavior. But there’s just one problem. Women don’t deserve gentlemen anymore.

It is apparently offensive for a man to say that on a date, men should be on time, help her with her coat, pull out her chair when she sits down, wait for her to get safely inside before driving away. At best, it was dismissed as quaint but unnecessary; at worst, it was infuriating and sexist. Ann Friedman and Dana Goldstein, so-called “feminists”, dismissed chivalry as sexist. And we’ve got the “feminists” of the 60s practically grooming their daughters to be sluts — and then, of course, crying about it when it inevitably happens. But what else can you expect when 10-year-olds are taught about anal sex, when mothers write long, flowery letters to their daughters about vibrators and orgasms, when middle-schoolers are being taught not sex ed, but about how to have good sex and the importance of “experimenting”? Even the Girl Scouts are no exception. Will girls raised this way grow up to become women deserving of gentlemen? It’s possible, but not likely. Add in the fact that in today’s society, it is perfectly acceptable to mock and humiliate men, whether it is on TV, in the latest New York Times bestseller, or just among our girlfriends. Most people don’t even really date anymore. Sure, the man might not be asking the woman out on an actual date either, but we as women are accepting the text message requests for booty calls or a night at a bar. We’ve replaced romance with hooking up, chivalry with disrespect. We constantly deride and disrespect men, and the behavior of too many women is not deserving of gentlemanly behavior.

How can women act this way — be so disdainful of men, so insulting and dismissive, and our own behavior so crass — and yet still complain about how there are no good men left, about the death of chivalry?

Far too often, women don’t want a man anymore. They don’t want someone who can be the head of the household, who can be strong or (heaven forbid) take charge. They don’t want a man to treat them with chivalry and respect. What women far too often want today is a man they can mold, someone who is not respectful, but submissive. They want a man to behave a certain way — that may vary from woman to woman — and if he doesn’t, then they’ll wear him down until he inevitably changes. Women today want men to basically be women. We ask for men to be feminized, and then ask where the gentlemen went.

This isn’t to say that men should just shrug their shoulders and give up. Be better than we are, guys. The second wave feminists insisted on dragging women down to the level of the worst kinds of men, and look at how that has turned out. As Tapscon points out, being a gentleman elevates you, and shows character. But ultimately, this isn’t a call for men to man up and be gentlemen (although, of course, they should). This goes out to the women. If you want a gentleman, then act in a manner that would make you deserve a gentleman. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Don’t allow men to put in the bare minimum in order to get in your pants. Don’t drink like a man or sleep around with wild abandon. Show respect for men, and don’t constantly insult and mock them. Be someone that is worth chivalrous behavior.

If we want to see the return of gentlemen, then we must also demand the return of ladies.