There are just some things so ridiculous they defy parody. Putting 83-year-old-shakes-fists-at-clouds, communist Bernie Sanders or finds-math-hard AOC as the new face of the Democratic Party for 2028 is even beyond The Babylon Bee’s imagination.

Who knew this Marxist interpretation of Burns and Allen would be traveling the nation on an “Embrace Covetousness Tour” so soon after the majority of citizens made it clear that it rejects Leftwing ideology which, over the last several decades, has made life worse for proletariat while delivering goodies to the Inner Party.

Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez have been drawing big crowds crisscrossing the country on a “Fighting Oligarchy” tour that’s been billed as a pass-the-torch moment, with the Bronx congresswoman taking Bernie’s place as the avatar of what the Times calls “left-wing” populism.

The AOC/Bernie populism goes about promoting values — like males can be women by declaring it — that an overwhelming majority, even among Democrats, reject.

Kinda puts lie to populism, eh?

AOC as a choice to replace Bernie would make sense to a Democratic Party consultant, who’d see woman, woman of color, and 12 million Twitter followers and think all boxes were checked. The original idea of a Sanders run, though, was a substance-over-style rebuke of party orthodoxy. Now Bernie is DNC-izing his own movement. Legacy outlets are already boosting the notion of AOC as a 2028 contender, which itself should scare Sanders, but somehow doesn’t. Why would the same press goons who smeared him for years suddenly embrace his successor?

Answer: AOC sanitizes the Bernie movement for traditional Democrats by bringing what the New York Times calls “a contemporary flourish to their shared progressive politics.” In other words, she’s replaced whatever hard edge Sanders ever had with woke gibberish.

Kamala’s infamous word salads went a long way in influencing how her handlers ran her campaign. And the hardcore stage managing just made rational adults run away. AOC has already racked up a library full of nonsensical pullquotes and her combativeness demonstrates how she feels everything she says is gospel. How is that 2028 campaign going to run when AOC refuses to be muzzled, and the donor class runs for the exits?

“I do think that a system that allows billionaires to exist when there are parts of Alabama where people are still getting ringworm because they don’t have access to public health is wrong.” AOC 2018

AOC never misses an opportunity to step on a rake. She’s more concerned with her brand than actually doing any work as a Congresscritter. So can we ask just what is making BabyGirl this season’s crush for the NYTimes and Bernie Bros?

AOC as a choice to replace Bernie would make sense to a Democratic Party consultant, who’d see woman, woman of color, and 12 million Twitter followers and think all boxes were checked.

But any substance box is left unchecked and certainly this anti-capitalist commie with a taste for designer duds is fully convinced of the power of her own intellect, even as she’ll do anything to avoid the math.

Want to learn more about our fight for Medicare for All, student loan cancellation, embracing our immigrant communities & more?

Check out our stoop interview w/ Jorge Ramos on @ThisIsAmerica: https://t.co/BjZvWBFODb pic.twitter.com/ORV0DTxxWh

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) November 2, 2018

Bernie was knee-capped by Hillary in 2016 and yet, like a whipped puppy, he’s back and getting into the 2028 election cycle. If not for himself, the old commie is going to try and get his little Red Guard in Manolo Blahniks through a primary season filled with risible frauds like Hairgel Newsom, Tampon Timmy, and Pete “out on paid leave, please leave a message at the tone” Buttigieg.

By all means, Democrats. Run with AOC, the most quotable Deep Thinker alongside former-VP Roundheels. The memes are writing themselves.

featured image original graphic by Darleen Click