President Obama,

We the People realize that signing executive orders is right up there with vacationing on other people’s dime and ‘playing the back nine’ in terms of your favorite things to do.  In fact, the news about your latest planned frolic with your pen and phone on the subject of immigration just came out this week, and I think it’s high time we have a chat about what an executive order is, and what it isn’t.  Perhaps your assistant taught your Constitutional Law course that day.  Maybe it was date night with Reggie.  We get it.

We also get that you don’t give a rat’s rectum what we think.  The thing is, we’re going to tell you anyway, because whether you understand this or not, you’re out of line.

Currently, a Google search of the phrase “Obama bypasses Congress” brings in 3 million results.  For the record, it’s not all one story either.  Over and over, you have promised to literally go over the heads of the United States Congress if they don’t pass the laws you want them to pass.  Over and over, you’ve done just that, creating “laws” that you like.  You’ve even used this process to change the orders you’ve already written when things get a little hot in the kitchen.

There are several problems with this little hobby of yours.  First of all, this is not what executive orders are for.  You may not be aware of this, as concerned as you are with visiting as many of the 57 states as possible lately to raise money for your socialist agenda, but there are three branches of government for a reason.  In fact, these three branches exist to ensure that no one branch does exactly what you’re doing.  Maybe it’s different in Kenyan villages or Indonesian mosques, but laws here in this country are made through a legislative process that contains checks and balances to prevent a President (or Congress, or SCOTUS) from running buckwild with a pen and a phone.  You know, like you’re doing now.  (We only do it in 50 states, however; the other 7 have some weird thing going on of their own.  But you know that…you’ve been to them, right?)

It is Congress’ function to hold you in check; it is part of their their reason for existence.  They vote on proposed laws, and then you decide whether to sign them or not.  If Congress doesn’t give you what you want, you don’t get to just bypass them “whenever and wherever you can.”

I don’t know how else to explain this: You cannot make new law with an executive order.

You’re clever; I’ll give you that.  You and your administration have been attempting to manipulate We the People by framing it as though you’re proactive and decisive.  You’re standing up for families of America.  You’re refusing to be hampered by a lazy and ineffective Congress.  Thank God you showed up because absolutely nothing was getting done!  It’s all smoke and mirrors, but it has worked because the average voter doesn’t know what some of us do: that you’re currently in violation of the Constitution, and far outside the limits of your power.

You’re offering a path to citizenship for so-called DREAMers, for instance, and planning big things with your SuperPen(tm) that will effectively erase the border of this country, allowing any Tomas, Ricardo and Harry to waltz in and demand that we provide for them.  Heck, even the term “DREAMer” is a clever acronym that evokes images of positivity and warm, fuzzy idealism.  To be fair, had you used a more correct term, such as “violent criminals, cartel members, mooches, and people with loyalty only to free stuff,” chances are it would not have gone as well.  You’re making sure that you couch all of this in terms that low-information voters will buy because it sounds good.  They’re too lazy to do any real research, so they basically take whatever you offer like it’s a Saturday night in the steam room with you and Rahm.

The problem is, you cannot do what you are doing.  It flies in the face of the American system, and your self-fashioned dictatorship by executive action is not only illegal but morally wrong.  You are not a dictator.  You are not a king.  You are a narcissistic, devious, petty, mean-spirited friend to the enemies of this nation, and you are making laws that you have no right to make.

Now, I know that you also love to tell people that Bush wrote more executive orders than you EVER have.  That’s true.  It’s also true that George Bush put the groundwork in place that has allowed you to expand the government and its control to the point where even writing this article puts me in danger of federal scrutiny.  Chances are good I was there already.  But there are a lot more like me out there.  We read the Constitution like you read golf magazines.  Which of us is truly more educated?

Here’s the bottom line.  You don’t get to use executive orders like royal decrees.  And a lot of us know that…which means you have a lot of obstacles to your agenda.  “Bumps in the road,” if you will.  We’d really like a president who adheres to the law and to the very clear limits to federal power outlined in the Constitution.  We deserve that…and if you were anything remotely resembling a competent leader, you’d already know that, too.

When the President takes measures incompatible with the expressed or implied will of Congress, his power is at its lowest ebb, for then he can rely only upon his own constitutional powers minus any constitutional powers of Congress over the matter. Courts can sustain exclusive presidential control in such a case only by disabling the Congress from acting upon the subject. Presidential claim to a power at once so conclusive and preclusive must be scrutinized with caution, for what is at stake is the equilibrium established by our constitutional system. [emphasis added]

— Supreme Court Justice Robert Jackson, from his concurring opinion in Youngstown Sheet and Steel Company v. Sawyer, 343 U.S. 579 (1952)