Well, as absolutely anyone with a brain stem could have figured out, Sean Penn won the Oscar for Best Leading Actor, for his performance in the movie Milk. For those not familiar, Milk is the story of the first openly gay man to be elected to California public office, San Francisco politician Harvey Milk. Sean Penn, obviously, was the title character. Milk was the darling liberal movie of the year, and there was no doubt whatsoever in my mind that he was going to win the Oscar. It would be Hollywood’s self-serving night of triumph — triumph over homophobia, triump over intolerance, triumph over conservatives, and anything else they could congratulate themselves for. Giving an Oscar to Sean Penn for a role like that of Harvey Milk is not so much about acknowledging his acting as it is a celebration of how wonderful and kind and tolerant Hollywood is. One way you can tell was by how boisterous the applause was, and how enthusiastic the crowd was during various parts of his speech. They were celebrating this win with him. This award was not about Sean Penn. Hollywood had a statement to make.

Now, what was noteworthy was not that Sean Penn won th Oscar. What was noteworthy was his acceptance speech. I found it interesting that, right off the bat, the cameras continually kept veering over to his wife, Robin Wright-Penn as she cried her little tears of pride. They filmed as he kissed her, and then you see her crying in the background as he’s up at the podium. It’s like a reminder… see, folks, he’s not really gay. It’s OK, he loves the ladies!

Then, Penn opens his speech by addressing the audience as “… you commie, homo-loving, sons-of-guns!”, and everyone in the crowd laughs and cheers. (No doubt this was a stab at conservatives.) There’s a quick cut to more people in the audience crying over the remarkable step forward (while I, meanwhile, am gagging). Remember, Hollywood is making a statement, people.

I think my favorite line was how he claimed he didn’t expect to win the award, which is the biggest load of crap anyone could ever say. Part of the package required to make it in Hollywood is narcissism. Every single person nominated for an award believes they’re going to get it, but when you’re in a movie like Milk, you know that award’s going to you. The “I had no idea!” line is just to make you seem less pretentious. Meanwhile, directly after expressing his shock, Penn pulls out his little acceptance speech with his list of people to thank… which he was carrying on him just in case.

Really, he had no idea.

Also interesting was how Penn did not see fit to thank his wife, Robin. He thanked his best friend, he listed his circle of support, but I guess that his wife doesn’t fit either of those molds.

He then steps onto his soapbox to try to guilt-trip all of us who are against gay-marriage by saying we need to reflect on our “great shame”.

Sean, a little word of advice. If you want conservatives to do something, then you should probably keep your mouth shut. The very fact that it’s coming from such a brainless, classless assclown as you will simply make us dig in our heels deeper. No conservative’s opinion will ever be swayed by the likes of you.

He then goes on to laud Barack Obama, our “elegant” President. I guess Sean Penn forgot that Obama is one of those who also needs to reflect on his deep shame, huh?

I think the best comments about Penn’s acceptance speech, however, come from Ace:

And then praises America, but only for producing “courageous artists” such as himself who aren’t afraid to brave metaphorical bullets.

Unmentioned: Courageous soldiers who aren’t afraid to brave non-metaphorical bullets.

Thank you, Sean Spicoli, for teaching me what a hero is. Real heroes bang Madonna and punch femmy cameramen in their faces.

Yes, Sean. You’re truly courageous. We’re all inspired. Can you shut up now??

Hat Tip: Hot Air