Honestly, I think this may be the dumbest court battle ever.

A New Zealand couple had a baby. They wanted to name him 4Real, but the New Zealand Registrar of Births, Deaths, and Marriages rejected the name, saying that numerals are not allowed in names. Now, Pat and Sheena Wheaton are officially naming him Superman, but will refer to him as 4Real:

A New Zealand couple is looking to call their newborn son Superman — but only because their chosen name of 4Real has been rejected by the government registry.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton say they will get around the decision by the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages by officially naming their son Superman but referring to him as 4Real, the New Zealand Herald newspaper has reported.

The Wheatons decided on the name after seeing the baby for the first time in an ultrasound scan and realizing their baby was “for real.”

They decided 4Real was the best way to write it, but the name was rejected because the registrar said a name had to be a sequence of characters.

Pat Wheaton said he was considering appealing the decision through the courts, but whatever happens he won’t be budged on his choice.

“No matter what, it’s going to stay 4Real,” Wheaton told the Herald, “I’m certainly not a quitter.”

A spokesman for the Department of Internal Affairs, which operates the registry, told the Herald discussions with the Wheatons about their son’s name were continuing.

The baby is now 2 months old. The Wheatons first applied to register his name in June.

Let’s say the Wheatons decided to fight for the name. Regardless of the outcome of the case, the poor kid loses! He’ll be mocked for life — whichever of the two names they give him! I mean, my God — Superman?! 4Real?!

Parents who do this to their children, I’m curious: do you consider the effect your ridiculous names will have on your child? I mean, did the Wheatons ever stop and think about how their son will feel at 5, 10, 15 about being called 4Real? Or even worse, having to introduce himself as Superman?!

I mean, either way, this kid’s gonna lose.

Don’t get me wrong — I don’t think the government should tell people what they can and can’t name their children, barring profanity. However, I do think parents should exercize some common sense, and think of their damn child before they name the poor kid some crackpot name like 4Real!

4Real. I can imagine a whole running joke very similar to the whole “Who’s On First” bit coming from that name.