A few days ago, we saw a white guy getting accosted at San Francisco State University for having dreadlocks and “cultural appropriation”. Today, from the Land of The Absurd, we bring you the latest: a study from the University of North Carolina that brands flesh-colored Band-Aids as “white privilege”.

Seriously. This is not a belated April Fool’s joke. The University of North Carolina Chapel Hill used taxpayer dollars to fund this “cultural competency workshop” to question:

“I can choose blemish cover or bandages in “flesh” color and have them more or less match the color of my skin.” (Question 26 of the White Privilege Survey.)

Not exactly sure where that leaves the clear bandage wearers. Or those who choose to don Hello Kitty (gasp–she’s WHITE!) or Dora the Explorer. We won’t even go into what donning a Barbie Band-Aid means! And, let me guess, a white individual wearing a bandage of a darker color would be accused of ” cultural appropriation”.

The end state goals of this survey are here:

At the end of this workshop, participants will be able to:

1) Develop a sense of self-awareness and an understanding of privilege

2) Gain a better understanding of how people experience discrimination or prejudice and how these experiences affect their daily lives

Other questions include:

Question # 11: I can swear, dress in secondhand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty, or the illiteracy of my race.

Question #23: If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has racial overtones.

The survey questions were directly taken from “White Privilege Pioneer”, Peggy McIntosh and her 1989 work entitled “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack”.

So, there we have it, folks. The WHITE professors of academia insinuating that their educated African-American counterparts feel inferior if they wear second-hand clothing, swear or are a little late on the reply to an e-mail? The WHITE professors insinuating to their “racial equals” that a bad day, week or year may be, quite possibly attributed to their race?! If this is not a veiled insult to Black America, I give up….I don’t know what is. All I know is that if I cut myself with a Ginsu knife, I have to NOW seriously contemplate how the Band-Aid on my finger is construed and how I may be “unintentionally” emitting racist behavior!

That’s it. I’m going for the bacon strips from here on out. Oh, wait. I must be offending someone here. Wearing “bacon” is a microagression against the Muslim community, right? I can’t, I just can’t. Stop the bleeding, already!