I did it. I DVR’ed the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards. Why would I waste my time? Not because I wanted to see what everyone was wearing (or not wearing as the case would be.)

I didn’t watch them because I like the music or the performers (I don’t even know half these people) but because I was on a quest of sorts. And, you know what? I found a “deeper” understanding of our culture simply from sitting through the torture.

Hours of intellectual stimulation as you can see from Miley Cyrus in the promotion for the event above. Here are just a few little nuggets of wisdom that I have gleaned simply by watching the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards:

1. Miley Cyrus is a sad, insecure little girl who is in need of attention anywhere she can get it. If that means taking off her clothes, she’ll do it. If that means saying she’s “pansexual” and is “down with anybody over 18 down to love her“, she’ll say it. And, if drugs make her part of the cool crowd, then she’ll talk about smoking a joint as often as she can and even write an ode to her love of cannabis which a certain popular cable network will use as a grand finale to their annual awards show.

The above observation may be a given and obvious to viewers who possess more maturity than the crowds who are licking this stuff up, taking it all in. Let’s just look deeper, for a moment, at some of the antics of the evening. More lessons: