While my brilliant colleagues cover the trials and tribulations of Hurricane Harvey, I thought I’d delve into something completely different: Hollyweird.

We’ve seen rumors about feminizing 007, because obviously James Bond with a vagina is just so much more appealing! STOMP OUT THE PENIS!

There are supposedly plans to remake “Splash” with Channing Tatum as the mermaid… uh… merdude.

And Rebel Wilson is reportedly going to star in the remake of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.” It’s not just enough to empower women. It’s too hard to create interesting vehicles for strong female characters. Let’s just delete the dick, shall we?

Hollywood just doesn’t learn. On the tail end of such disastrous flops as last year’s gender-bending “Ghostbusters” and other imbecilic attempts to advance gurrrrrrrl power at any cost and at the expense of interesting characters and engaging storytelling (I despised Mad Max Fury Road – I thought it was boring, loud, and filled with bad writing, lengthy, irritatingly gratuitous action sequences, and thinly veiled social justice rhetoric hiding behind a transparent veneer of “feminism”), they’ve announced the evisceration of another one of my childhood loves.