Somerset County in Maine is getting themselves a new jail, and as such, are leasing out the old jail for anyone interested. PETA, being the brilliant strategists they are, thought it would be a perfect location for… a “Lobster Empathy Center”!!

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has sent a proposal to the Somerset County commissioners to lease their jail for the world’s first Lobster Empathy Center.

The central Maine county is constructing a new jail and has put the century-old jail in downtown Skowhegan up for sale. The Realtor handling the sale called the offer “likely a publicity stunt.”

“A prison is the perfect setting to demonstrate how lobsters suffer when they are caught in traps or confined to cramped, filthy supermarket tanks,” PETA wrote in a June 2 letter to the commissioners. “The center will teach visitors to have compassion for these interesting, sensitive animals while also commemorating the millions of lobsters who are ripped from their homes in the ocean off the coast of Maine each year before being boiled alive.”

Commissioner Chairman Phil Roy, who doesn’t care for lobster, was at a loss for words Monday afternoon.

“I’m shocked and I don’t know what to say. I didn’t realize Skowhegan was the coastal community PETA was looking for,” Roy said, with tongue in cheek.

As the crow flies, the distance from Skowhegan to Rockland, home of the Maine Lobster Festival and a lobster fishing port, is approximately 53 miles.

“The lobster capital of the state of Maine certainly isn’t here,” Roy said. He said it was odd that PETA would object to the jail conditions for lobsters but had never filed a complaint on behalf of the human inmates incarcerated there.

Ah, but PETA doesn’t care about humans. They only care about saving the animals. The humans can rot for all they care, as long as the cockroaches and rats that live there are comfortable.

The center will have interactive displays, where lucky, lucky visitors can have their hands wrapped in rubber bands which are required to stay on for the entire visit. They’ll then be crammed together into a disgusting glass tank for up to an hour. Kiddos will get stuffed lobsters that say “Lobster Are Friends, Not Food.”

Kind of reminds you of Finding Nemo, huh? “Fish are friends, NOT FOOD!”

Interestingly enough, PETA may have a pretty big stumbling block to overcome. The county wants to sell the property, not lease it. And considering they have 22 leads indicating interest, I’d wager that the county will probably go after the potential buyers before the potential leasers.

Slublog at Ace of Spades has the best perspective on this:

Interesting, sensitive animals? They’re sea cockroaches, for crying out loud. The only thing interesting about them is the variety of ways they can be cooked and served on a plate. And sensitive? There’s a reason they put those rubber bands on the lobster’s claws before they drop them in a tank together.

…

What’s really funny is that Skowhegan is about 53 miles from the coast. Anyone who has ever seen a lobsterman will understand why the PETA weenies are staying away. Lobstering towns are basically full of guys who look like cast members from “The Deadliest Catch” and they have minimal patience for people who want to shut down their livelihoods.

You know, maybe PETA could try out a “Hornet Empathy Center”. They could build a human sized replica of a hornet’s nest, complete with real live hornets! Then, the PETA wackjobs could peacefully commune with the gentle, humming insects all they want, since, like this exhibit, they’d be the only ones interested.