Waterboarding, questionably defined as torture, could soon become a thing of the past. There are some new ideas for torture in town, and terrorists are surely trembling:

The military has at it’s disposal interrogation methods so vile and harsh that Islamic terrorists around the world are demanding being subject to waterboarding and non stop Christina Aguilera music instead. These new techniques may be the reason for the recent report that American forces have routed Al Qaeda in Iraqi from every neighborhood of Baghdad.

Here’s a preview of one of these new torture methods: the Hillary Nutcracker.