From Dr. Helen, I bring you my first entry for National Offend a Feminist Week.

Helen introduces us to Marianne Murciano, someone who undoubtedly would be a feminist role model thanks to the way she not emasculates men, but encourages other women to follow suit. She believes men need to be trained, just like dogs. And her blog details all the different situations you can use to train your man.

Example number one: kids. She explains how, in her household, she lays down the parenting laws and when hubby is bad and breaks them, training need to take place. She calls kids the “anti-trainer”.

If there’s one thing to be said about the men we train it is that most of them like to take shortcuts. What I mean is that it’s way easier to let things go than it is to fix them. That takes work. Addressing an issue means instant confrontation, which is what the untrained man likes to avoid. Such is the case when he’s in charge of the kids.

When I’m not around, Bob will frequently say yes to anything our kids ask for, just because it means they’ll leave him alone to read newspapers, or whatever. When I come home I have to undo the mess he left, and I’m cast as the bad guy. For example, I say no TV watching until homework is done. If I’m not around, Bob will let our daughter watch a program before doing homework. It’s easier. When I get home and find her glued to the set, you know it. A fight breaks out. Bob is so used to saying yes to her that sometimes he forgets and gives in even when I’m around!

Part of his motive is to be the beloved dad. But this sends mixed messages to the kids, not to mention that undermining me is damaging to our relationship. By allowing them to do as they please, he is taking a shortcut that amounts to extra work for me. Kids are smart. They know which parent to turn to, and for what. I don’t like being the bad guy all the time.

Sometimes these battles go on for a long time and we learn to live with them. But it’s got to be stopped or we will end up resenting our husbands.

There’s only one way to fix this—talk. Make him understand that kids crave boundaries and discipline. Ask him who his favorite teacher was in school and the answer will likely be not the one who presided over a free for all, but rather the teacher who had a structured disciplined class. The Train a Man method is about educating him. Bring him into the process so he understands this is not a power play between the two of you. It’s about sharing the responsibilities and doing what’s best for the child and the relationship.

We know what women want when raising a child—a united front. It’s tough enough to set rules and enforce them. We don’t need our partners sabotaging them. We don’t want to teach our children how to manipulate and use their parents against each other.

Training a man happens only when you train yourself to speak your mind every time. The message needs to be repeatedly reinforced. Saying no now is hard, but it’s harder to undo things down the road, even if those things are as simple as dirty dishes, an unmade bed, or video games at the dinner table.

If you aren’t appalled by that, you might just be a feminist.

Her entire system revolves around the wife setting all of the rules. Parenting, household management, relationship duties, everything. And when her husband has the audacity to exercise his own parental authority, she blows a lid. Forget how minor it might be. Even if it’s just dirty dishes, he needs to be put back in his place.

She also makes it clear that she has absolutely no respect for her husband. She has to undo the mess he’s left. He’ll let the kids do whatever they want so he can watch TV. He, along with all other men, is apparently stupid and needs to be educated and trained by her. She wants a united front, but instead of making rules together, she sets them and he has to follow them. None of this forms a united partnership, like she says. It does nothing more than make her a household dictator, and he a slave.

That is a nightmare.

Next up is the example from Dr. Helen’s page. Feel her wrath when her husband makes the unexcusable mistake of… buying the wrong sausage.

Guys just don’t listen. Yesterday when Bob said he was going to the grocery store, I asked him to buy some sweet sausage out of the casing for the chili I was going to make for dinner. He loves chili and it’s easy to make but I didn’t want to handle the mess. “Do you know what a casing is?” I asked before he left. “Of course I do,” he said as he blasted off, sounding almost offended by the question.

Later that day Bob comes home and plops the groceries down on the counter. I open the bag – and there it is. Like a snake in plastic, the sausage is rolled up and in its casing.

“What happened to getting the sausage out of the casing?” I asked. “I think it’s out of the casing. It’s just rolled up.” He replied. When I asked him if he requested it that way at the meat department he said he didn’t remember. He said he was now totally confused and that anyway, I should be happy he went to the grocery store. Hmmm…

Lesson for Bob:

Bad enough to make the mistake, especially when I made it so clear. But then you lose all credibility when you distort the facts; your story starts to fall apart.

1. It’s hard to believe you don’t remember whether you talked to a guy behind the meat counter.
2. Totally confused? Yes. So am I. But for you it’s about the tall tale you’re telling now! (You’re not a good liar.)
3. I never asked you to go to the grocery store in the first place. I only asked you to get me something if you were going there anyway. And by the way, this was for a meal I was preparing for you!

My conclusion: Thank you for going shopping. However, you didn’t get the sausage in the casing because you resent having to go to the grocery store. It’s passive aggressive and uncool.

And now, you will have to pay the price.

Of course, in the time it took for her to hyperventilate over a simple mistake, she could have taken the sausage out of the casing and gone about her business. Instead, she blew a gasket and made her husband out to be the worst person in the world. No wonder he lies to her — the man is pussy-whipped and terrified.

And, like thousands of women, Marianne has decided that she is an expert in armchair psychology. This is all thanks to “experts” like Oprah and Dr. Phil who see latent feelings as the real reason people do random things… like forget to buy the “right” kind of sausage.

This kind of male emasculation can be laid right at the door of modern feminism. To feminists, this behavior is necessary to offset the “patriarchy”. It’s excused and even recommended because, they’ll say, they’re just turning the table on men, that this was how men behaved before modern feminists came along and “freed” women from their homemaker bondage.

Of course, if I ever attempted to use such low, dirty, controlling, manipulative tactics on my fiance, the wedding would be called off in a second. And this is exactly the real problem. Too many men let their wives act like over-controlling, domineering bitches. They do absolutely nothing to stop it. Frankly, it needs to stop.

And with that, here is my proclamation guaranteed to make the heads of feminists explode in anger everywhere: it’s time for men to take back their rightful place in their households. It’s time for men to start training women.

Yes, you read right.

Once upon a time, a man was the head of his home. He was the authority figure, he was in charge. Thanks to feminism, he’s now often lower on the totem pole than the family dog. And it has just got to stop. It’s bad for the marriage and it’s bad for the children. Wives need husbands who are smart and strong that they can respect as an equal. They don’t need a doormat. Kids need a father they can trust and look up to as an authority figure.

Contrary to feminist doctrine, women can’t do it all. Men need to start stepping up to the plate and fulfilling their rightful roles as husbands and fathers. This doesn’t mean become a dictator like Mistress Marianne over there. It means being fair but firm, bending to her wisdom when you know your wife is right and standing strong when you know that you are. Throwing a temper tantrum when you don’t get your way is not how you’ll accomplish taking back control.

Like I said, you’ve got to train your women. Go slowly. Conquer one thing at a time. If she bites your head off about getting the wrong sausage, sweetly tell her, “You’re right. Next time I won’t do you the favor of getting something from the store for you,” and just walk away. If she explodes, ignore her. You’ll have to condition her to realize that, like a two-year-old, threats, tears, and temper tantrums won’t work anymore. Rising to her histrionics teaches her that it still works, and that she can still get to you. You, as the man and the head of the household, have to rise above it. Start being more involved in the decisions in the household, from parenting to cleaning to money. Letting her run everything shows that you can’t handle it and that she’s stronger than you are. Step up, take some of the responsibilites, and earn her respect. Taking control in the bedroom is key, too. If you let the woman control how often you have sex, she’s really won right there. Obviously, I’m not advocating forcing her to do anything, but to maybe take more initiative, be more adventurous, try new things. Don’t just sit back and wait for her to decide you’ve been a good enough boy to earn getting laid.

Once you do all of that, you can take your proper place as head of the family once again, which is where husbands and fathers should be. It doesn’t mean wives aren’t involved in decision-making, but that the husband has the final say. He needs to have the strength to stand on his convictions, and also the wisdom and the grace to know and admit when he’s wrong. She’ll be happier because instead of a wimpy, dumb, pushover husband she can walk all over, she’ll have a smart, strong husband she can respect.

Only then can you have a happy, healthy, fulfilling marriage. Marriages with domineering, alpha-female dictators are doomed to either fail or to be unhappy. If you love your wife, you owe it to her to be the man she deserves, someone strong, wise, and loving, who can be at the head of the family.

Stay tuned for my next entry in National Offend a Feminist Week! What will I do to offend them next?