This article had me infuriated:

You’re sitting in the airport terminal, rolling your copy of the Economist into a sweaty tube and waiting to see a significant other who lives far away. You’re excited. You’re aroused. But there’s something else, a nagging feeling that gurgles in your stomach and won’t go away. Is it pangs of guilt? It should be: The planet is about to suffer for your love.

Perversely, we live in a world where the sustainability consultant in San Francisco is willing to fly in an exotic boyfriend every month from Washington, D.C. All day, she helps companies “green their supply chains” and “internalize core social costs,” yet that eco-savvy seems to vanish at night, when she e-mails: Come visit!!! You might say she’s willing to be a locavore but not a locasexual.

Consider what happens when these two fly to see each other once a month. Since greenhouse gases emitted from high-altitude airplanes are thought to have several times the impact of ground transport, a carbon offset company would pin their romantic travels with the equivalent of 35 metric tons of CO2 each year. If that responsibility were divided evenly between the two, our sustainability consultant’s lifestyle would be about six times worse for the environment than that of the average gas-guzzling American—and up to 10 times worse than that of the average San Franciscan. (Indeed, for her, breaking up would be about 10 times better for the environment than going vegetarian.)

In case you’re wondering, I found this article over at Feministing who — shockah! — agrees!

I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been joking with some friends of mine about wanting to start a campaign against long distance relationships. Constantly missing your significant other, spending your life on the phone, always counting the days until you see them, or the days until you have to say goodbye again.

I think our increasingly globalized and technologized world is making LDRs much easier (and maybe more likely). Internet dating, email and social networking sites all make it much easier for us to connect with people who live far away. These things also make it much easier to maintain your connection with someone–you can always be connected to them, at least virtually. What used to be cheap airfare also makes it easier to visit one another (although that might be changing).

Now, it’s not always easy to avoid LDRs. People move away, for jobs, or school, or other life decisions. I know there are couples out there who have made it work. But maybe Slate has a point–if we have a local food movement, why not a date local movement?

So, I guess by these people’s standards, I should break up with my boyfriend because it’s “long-distance” and its “unhealthy” by some idiot’s standards. Nevermind that he’s in the fucking military. Nevermind that, for some people, their significant others have jobs that force them to be away from the person they love. Nope, doesn’t matter… your long-distance relationship is “killing Gaia”, so you must stop immediately and only date those who live close to you!

So, what happens if you do start dating someone who lives near you and they have to move for work, or because they’re in the military? What then? Your relationship must immediately cease and desist? All in the name of the “environment”, of course. Screw finding someone who loves and cherishes you. What’s really important is putting all of that love aside and sacrificing your feelings for the practicality of environmental worship. And you know, let’s be honest. Online dating or no, I don’t think there are many people who go out looking to date someone who lives thousands of miles away from them. I don’t think long distance relationships are something that anyone does intentionally. Usually, it just happens, and you try to make it work the best you can because you love each other.

But hey, what does love matter next to Mother Earth?

To be fair, the author of this piece at Feministing has been chewed out by pretty much every single commenter there, and rightly so. Both pieces are idiotic and honestly made me want to punch my computer screen. You know what? I drove over 1000 miles in one week to see my significant other, and I’d do it again. Poor little Gaia will have to deal with it.