Ailing Senator Ted Kennedy will be needing someone to take his Senate seat soon. And why should voters really have a say? It’s just up to the Kennedy family to decide who should inherit the seat, and BOOM! it shall be done. Of course, multiple Kennedys want to claim the inheritance, because again, why should voters get to decide who gets to fill the vacancy? This is Camelot, people. America’s version of royalty. And who cares what those crusty old Founding Fathers thought? If the Kennedys want to pass that seat on from Kennedy to Kennedy like passing on a royal title in Britain, then gosh darn it, they can!

The only question is, can they stop fighting before someone else nabs it from underneath their noses?

Ted Kennedy’s wife, Vicki, and his nephew, former congressman Joe Kennedy, are getting set for a bruising battle over who will succeed the ailing senator, according to a new book excerpted in the new issue of Vanity Fair magazine.

“Vicki is seen by all as an interloper and she is deeply resented by Ted’s children and many of the newphews,” Edward Klein writes in his new book, “Ted Kennedy: The Dream That Never Died,” due in stores next month.

“Joe, who sees himself as the only serious heir apparent, particularly loathes her control over his uncle and hence the family. Joe inherited his father’s ruthless gene. He is nothing if not aggressive. And anybody who tries to get between him and Ted’s Senate chair is in for a fight.”

… As Ted began to seek a successor, a rivalry developed between his wife, his nephew and his neice, Caroline Kennedy . It was Ted who insisted that Caroline make a bid for the seat Hillary Clinton would vacate so there would be “a Kennedy in the Senate” after he was gone.

… Klein also contends that Kennedy’s grim diagnosis has driven him back to a bad habit: drinking. Subsequently, he claims, Vicki and her father hatched a scheme to relocate the senator and his beloved sailboat Mya to Florida for the winter to get him away from enabler pals.

… The author also contends that Kennedy “had been drinking the night before” his seizure at President Obama’s inauguration.

First of all, how could anyone possibly be shocked that Ted Kennedy is drinking? I mean, Ted Kennedy and alcohol are inseparable. It’s not like anyone’s surprised by that little tidbit.

Second, I just love the Kennedys’ ownership attitude towards the senate seat. It’s as if they don’t think the voters get to decide who takes the seat, but they do. What if someone runs against the designated Kennedy and, oh no!, someone who isn’t a Kennedy gets the seat? Just what will the Kennedys do? They’ll have no more political power in American, their royalty will have vanished, and Camelot will go bye-bye. Aww.

I’m sure the Kennedy family is a perfect illustration of what the Founding Fathers intended: a bunch of inbred, corrupt, alcoholic, adulterous, murdering assholes who parade around like royalty and expect to be able to just name a successor without any input from voters whatsoever. Yes, we threw off the British empire just so we could establish our very own House of Lords here.

How lovely.

Please, Massachusetts voters… I know its tough for you, idolizing the Kennedys and all. But just let them disappear into a black hole somewhere that we never have to hear from them again. This is ridiculous. And you people enable this behavior. Please stop.

Hat Tip: Ace of Spades