Sadly, we have yet another whiny woman complaining about receiving hate mail (and other annoyances as well), all because she’s an “opinionated woman”. And of course, it’s all done on purpose by the patriarchy to keep women out of the “public conversation”. Or some crap like that.

(Sigh.)

[T]he letter itself was unequivocal. In the same painstaking hand, the writer repeated my name in full and charged: You are a dog Faced Slut who likes to run off at the mouth

The random capitalization and complete absence of punctuation enhanced the disarming directness of the message, which continued: I hope some Bull Dyk gives you some B+D so Stick a Sock in it.

Wow, I thought: 35 cents a word and hate mail! Who knew column-writing had so many rewards?

Regrettably, the letter was unsigned, and no return address was provided. If I wanted to learn the significance of the intriguing “B&D” reference, I would have to ask around.

… Although none of these experiences have prevented me from continuing to share my opinions through print or broadcast media, I confess that they did briefly unnerve me. And I know many women — especially those with young children, a high- profile job, or a natural attachment to being treated with respect — who would welcome such attention even less. Especially in an age of instant messaging, Google and YouTube.

Citizen columnist Kate Heartfield recently wrote that “No one is going to give women permission to join the public conversation,” in a great column lamenting how few women opinion writers there are compared to men and exploring ways to change that (“Wanted: opinionated women,” March 26).

It seems to me that the more ubiquitous our faces and perspectives become, the less our femininity or feminism will stand out. And as Martha Stewart — both a master of media profile, and a survivor of public condemnation — would say, that’s a good thing.

Someone get this woman a tiny violin, quick. She’s going to need it, apparently. It’s the PATRIARCHY, they can’t handle women being smart and opinionated, and so they send hate mail to try to keep teh girlz down!!!1!!!1!!!!

Of course, as Amy Alkon points out, the fact that men send such no-holds-barred mail could actually mean that they have more respect for you, in a sense:

The truth is, men attack a female columnist this way not because they’re discriminating against her, but because they aren’t. The gloves are off — you’re not being treated like some frail female who can’t take it. Kingsley R. Browne makes this point in his terrific book, Biology at Work, with the section “Not All ‘Sexual Harassment’ Is Sex Discrimination.”

… He writes that “men’s tendency toward competition and striving for positions in hierarchies often leads to behaviors that, especially to women, may seem quite harsh. As Joan Kennedy Taylor has observed, ‘Men will harass, tease, and verbally abuse each other, find vulnerable spots and use them to fluster each other — almost automatically. When called on it, they will say it was all in fun. Women, when faced with such behavior, tend to take the content seriously, rather than identifying the underlying game.'”

To some extent, I think that point is valid. And yet, on the other hand, I think for some men, they’re just trying to push a woman’s buttons. So do some women, for that matter. Hatefulness is not a man-only thing. Just check out the hate that gets spewed regularly at most feminist blogs, particularly towards men (ahem, Feministing).

And you know, I’m not trying to defend hate mail. It’s low and pathetic and stupid. But I’m certainly not going to waste my time stamping my little female foot and whining in a column about it. And I’m definitely not going to act like the only reason I’m getting it is because I’m a girl. It cracks me up that feminists claim to hate the stereotype of women as frail little flowers, but as soon as things get a little rough, they start shrieking for special treatment because apparently, women shouldn’t have to put up with the rough stuff.

Um, what?!

Look, again, I’m not defending hate mail. Some small-minded idiot who probably still lives in his mom’s house is the kind of person who sends hate mail. It’s ridiculous. But when you are in the public eye and are opinionated, you are going to piss some people off. There are going to be repercussions. If you can’t deal with it, then you’re in the wrong business. Period, end of story. It’s not a conspiracy of men to keep women out of the “public conversation”.

You want to be taken seriously, as if you’re a strong, intelligent, opinionated woman, but then you turn around and whine because someone said something mean? Yeah, real strong, lady.

And for the record, I’ve encountered no men trying to keep women out of the “public conversation”. Not one. I’ve had some men go out of their way to help me, like John Hawkins. But I’ve never had any male bloggers, aside from hateful liberal ones like the idiots over at Sadly, No, try to intimidate me out of blogging. And I’ve had tons of great, strong, intelligent, opinionated female role models, too — Michelle Malkin, Melissa Clouthier, Pamela Gellar, EM Zanotti, Katie Favazza… the list goes on and on.

Your worldview is not shaped by the world, but by your own mindset. Women like this Shari Graydon need to understand that. No, people should not send hate mail. Yes, people should be nice. Guess what? It’s not going to happen all the time. And hate mail is just one of the “hazards” of this line of work. You can choose to paint yourself a as a perpetual victim, or you can do what I do: laugh at the idiocy of the asshat sending something that ridiculous. Be happy that you’re getting through. Because if you aren’t pissing a few people off, what are you really accomplishing?