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No, this is not a joke.
Australia’s Australia Broadcasting Corporation (which is taxpayer funded) released the Greenhouse Calculator for kids. The very first thing you see upon entering the site is a sign saying:
Prof. Schpinkee’s Greenhouse Calculator
Tacked to the sign is a note that says:
Find out when you should die!
Kids are then asked:
How big a greenhouse pig are you?
Click the question numbers across the top and select your answer for each one (the Australian average answer is indicated).
With each answer, see how your CO2 production compares to the Average Aussie greenhouse pig, and to an environmentally sustainable “green” pig.
When you’re done, click on [skull and crossbones] to find out what age you should die at so you don’t use more than your fair share of Earth’s resources!
The test asks you questions about how often you drive a car, how fuel efficient your car is, how much energy you use in your home, how big your home is, how often you eat meat, etc. If you spent over $100,000 your pig grows to be gigantic and grotesquely disgusting, unsurprisingly.
I did the test. Right before it calculates your you-should-have-died-for-Gaia age, your pig explodes. Blood and pig guts fly all over the place, and then it gives you your you-should-have-died-for-Gaia age. Apparently, I was supposed to die at 7.5 years old.
The site accomplishes two tasks at once: instilling antihuman environmentalist propaganda, while at the same time establishing that authorities are in a position to determine how long you should live.
Which means it’s the perfect liberal tool! I love the “fair share” meme too. We all have a pre-determined amount of resources we’re allowed to use, and government authorities are the perfect people to let us know what that amount is.
Pretty sickening stuff, huh? I wonder how long it’ll be before the Goracle, the UN, PETA, and all the other enviro-weenies are demanding that we have similar death calculators for kids here in the U.S., and for the kiddies in Europe.
Anyone still want to deny that global warming is an evil cult?
… Anyone?
Hat Tip: Moonbattery
Mat says: I decided to go way anti-environmental with my answers, and it told me that I should die at 1.5 years. That’s pretty hilarious since I doubt I’d be driving a car, eating red meat (which I love) or spending over $100,000 a year (I wish, maybe someday) as an infant. As usual, the illogic shows through for leftists, though I admit that it’s kinda scary that a website even exists for this crap.
Wow! 7.5! You really should start consuming only your fair share. Maybe you can buy some carbon offsets, like the Goracle does, to make up for your evil ways.
I should have blown up, spewing guts everywhere, when I was 12.2.
I went back and answered in a more environmentally friendly way and it said I could live forever. Finally, the answer to eternal life. And to think of all the time I wasted with God, when all I had to do was get rid of my car and buy organic!
Ryan says: I decided to go completely environmental – then it says you can live forever. Then I changed it to everything environmental, except the last question, spending money in a typical fashion. 30.8.
Truthfully, 9.1 years is how long I should live.
mike says: 1.3 years old.
Came here from DearRachel’s site.
theBlur says: Heck, I should-uv died at 4.9 years.
Just one more example of how the environmentalist wacko movement is like a cult religion. The heck with actual science or empirical evidence, let’s just scare the kiddo’s with animated exploding pigs.
I R A Darth Aggie says: Maybe you can buy some carbon offsets, like the Goracle does, to make up for your evil ways.
Heh. Just send me your money – all of it – and your carbon will be offset. Send your checks to:
I R A Darth Aggie
The Sith, Inc.
Toontown, FL
Thank you for your committement to a greener future.
onthow says: The worldview that cursed the 20th century with communism did not die with communism but is alive and well in the 21st century in the form of environmentalism. They have simply gone from saving the Proletariat to saving the Planet.
Jill says: Mine said I should have died at 2.6 yrs old, at which point the pig exploded splattering blood everywhere. Lovely. I never expected to see a government interactive website for children featuring huge pools of blood and death wishes for Toddlers. WWMMD? (What Would Mad Max Do?)
1redthread says: It tells me I should have died at 4.7 years old.
Wonder how many of them want to tell my 4 year old that he took up too much “resources” and it’s time for him to die?
Ironwolf32 says: I am so disappointed. I got 2.7 years. I figured my answers were good enough for less than 2 years. Guess I will have to cut down some trees tonight…
Stephen J. says: I was seriously considering pointing out, for fairness’ sake, that many of the adherents to this particular belief are sincere in their conviction that the world is genuinely going to go to hell in a handbasket within our lifetimes if things don’t significantly change, and I don’t much like making fun of scared people… but then I read about the exploding pig, and gave it up as a bad job.
If the science is settled, you don’t need to unsettle my stomach to convince me of it.
“What we want is a patient so haunted by memories of a terrible past, or so driven by visions of a ghastly future, that he will gladly commit atrocities in the present if convinced that by so doing he will somehow make amends for the one or forestall the other.”
— Screwtape the Devil (C.S. Lewis), The Screwtape Letters
The ABC is well known over here in Aust for being well left of centre. This sure goes a fair bit beyond, though.
[For the record, my permissible lifespan was 8.5 years.]
But what is Prof. Shpinkee’s permissible lifespan? And if he has exceeded it already, why doesn’t he commit suicide for the sake of the planet?
Yeah, it’s for nine year olds. They sit down in front of it and figure out they should’ve exploded at age six, and feel all guilty. Then start badgering mom & dad to go buy some carbon credits, just as nagglingly as we did the same thing about Hot Wheels, G.I. Joe and Count Chocula.
Rick has more on this same subject. Although it isn’t nearly as mind-blowingly and unabashedly “Logan’s Run” as this is.
Just amazing.
Cosmo says: Ooooh…I want to punch people like this right in the Adam’s apple. I wonder how many years ago Al Gore should have died? Maybe the ABC could’ve saved us all this hassle had Al taken this quiz back in ’99. Hmmmm…now where did I put that time machine?
Suzie says: I shouldn’t have made it to 7 years old. What in the world are these people thinking? I’m serious. I don’t understand how you could have a website that would tell a child that he/she should be dead already. Children take so many things more seriously than an adult and don’t necessarily grasp sarcasm. What happens if a child thinks they’ve lived too long according to this? Does the creator of this trash care at all?
Suzie says: Of course, I assumed they were sarcastic which is so much more preferable to thinking they really mean it. My bad.
Msguy says: This sounds a little too much like it should be part of the movie Soylent Green.
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