It’s interesting what passes as a human right now. While sex is definitely a great thing, I’m pretty sure that loud sex isn’t considered a right. A British woman is claiming that being told her sex is too loud is a violation of her human rights. (Funny, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights mentions nothing about the right to noisy sex that bothers your neighbors.)

Caroline and Steve Cartwright’s love making was described as ”murder” and ”unnatural” and drowned out their neighbours’ televisions.

Even the local postman and a woman, who walked past the house taking her child to school, complained and she was given a noise abatement order.

Now Mrs Cartwright is appealing a conviction by magistrates for breaching a noise abatement notice that banned the couple from ”shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance”.

She is using Article 8 of the Human Rights Act to argue that she has a right to ”respect for her private and family life”.

Mrs Cartwright, of Washington, Tyne and Wear, is also arguing that she cannot help making the noise and has instructed a sexual psychologist to give evidence on her behalf.

Rachel O’Connor, a neighbour, said she was frequently late for work because she overslept having been awake most of the night because of the noise.

”It is not very pleasant living there and it has been quite stressful,” she told the court.

”I always feel intimidated living there. I was aware of it when I first moved in but I did not believe it would be this bad.”

Specialist equipment installed in Miss O’Connor’s flat by Sunderland City Council recorded noise levels of between 30 to 40 decibels, with the highest being 47 decibels.

Marion Dixon, an environmental health manager with the council, told the hearing what happened when the Cartwrights were confronted by the council with the neighbours’ complaints.

”Mr Cartwright held his head in his hands but Mrs Cartwright seemed to find it quite amusing,” she said.

”I told them at the time that the council found this extremely serious and was considering serving them with a noise abatement notice.

”She was adamant she could not stop the noise and had always done it.”

Before you get all excited at the thought of hearing a woman really, really enjoying sex, here’s a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright:

I don’t want to picture anyone having sex, but I especially don’t want to picture the two of them having sex. I certainly don’t begrudge anyone mind-blowing sex, but I just don’t want to picture it. I doubt her neighbors do, either.

I know that sex can be amazing, but seriously? I have to wonder if this woman really can’t control herself, or if she gets off on knowing that her neighbors can hear her. Her husband apparently seemed embarassed by it, while she herself found it “amusing”. I find it extremely hard to believe that she’s completely unable to do anything to keep her neighbors from being bothered by the noise. And when it’s so loud that it can be heard outside, I think we’re getting into the over-the-top area. Two people both complained about hearing it from outside of her home. She’s got neighbors saying it keeps them awake at night. Seriously, she can’t even put her face into a pillow or something?

Now, I fully agree that people have a right to do pretty much whatever they want in their own homes, barring illegal activities. If she wants to have sex twenty-eight times a day, then she should feel free to enjoy herself. However, just because you can do what you want in your own home doesn’t mean you can literally do whatever you want. There are such things as noise ordinances, after all. If what you’re doing in the privacy of your home is affecting the people around you, clearly, it’s no longer something private and it’s not something just concerning you, either. Someone get this lady a gag, quick.

As for human rights — this woman frankly deserves a good bitch-slapping if she thinks that “noisy sex” really falls into the category of, say, freedom of religion or freedom or speech. What does it say about this woman’s mindset, and perhaps even the greater culture in general, when banning noisy sex is considered a human rights violation?? The article she’s citing is from . And even Article 8 mentions exceptions to this rule. If she could keep her private life private, then she would have a case. But clearly, this woman doesn’t know how to do that. Regardless, the thought of someone saying that noisy sex which disturbs their neighbors and can be heard outside their house is a human right is just ludicrous. But I guess that’s just the world we live in today, isn’t it?