Are Republicans Trying to Poison Barack Obama?

Barack Obama

It’s apparently a possibility, as Barack Obama recently attended a GOP luncheon, and refused to eat any of the food. Why? Because His Majesty didn’t have his official food tester with him, presumably to make sure it isn’t poisoned or something. You know those sneaky Republicans, trying to secretly assassinate the president and all.

“University of Maine recipe for healthy lobster salad — I pointed that out to the president in keeping with the first lady’s initiatives and Fox Family Potato Chips made in Aroostook County where I’m from and wild blueberry pie full of anti-oxidants, see this was a healthy lunch as well. We did have a little ice cream on the pie too, also made in Maine, Gifford’s Ice Cream. So in all seriousness this was well received,” Collins told reporters on Thursday after the meeting at the Capitol.

“Unfortunately, you know, the president can’t,” said Collins when asked if Obama ate at the lunch meeting.

“He looked longingly at it,” Collins continued. “He honestly did look longingly at it, but apparently he has to have essentially a taster, and I pointed out to him that we were all tasters for him, that if the food had been poisoned all of us would have keeled over so, but he did look longingly at it and he remarked that we have far better food than the Democrats do, and I said that was because I was hosting.”

According to a 2009 AFP report, the U.S. Secret Service has “always refused to confirm that US presidents travel with a food ‘taster’, in line with their policy of discretion on all security related issues.”

If Barack Obama really does have a food taster that he refuses to eat without, then that’s an entirely new level of egotism. This isn’t the first time there have been rumblings about a royal food taster, either.

But let’s say the taster story is just a joke, and that His Royal Highness doesn’t actually have a good taster. What does that then say about him? That he attended a luncheon and was too rude to eat with the people who invited him?

Either way you slice it, apparently the man really does think he’s a king.

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