As many of you know, my significant other is recently home from a 15-month deployment in Iraq. Going through a deployment is difficult for us here left behind; obviously, it doesn’t compare to what our men and women are experiencing, but it isn’t exactly a cakewalk. It’s not an episode of “Army Wives” either, a ridiculous excuse for a poorly performed soap opera. It does not even slightly resemble real life.

The inspiration for this blog came from Rachel Lucas, whose other half is being called to service to go to Iraq. She made a very good point today:

I want to know about it for myself but also for others, because although I know people mean well, I’ve noticed something about their reactions when they find out Rupert’s being deployed: they look at him as though he’s just been diagnosed with cancer or has just been given the death penalty.

Man, is that the truth.

Whenever I would tell people Michael was in Iraq, they would suddenly get this expression on their face usually only reserved for funerals. They’ll put what I guess they feel is a sympathetic arm around me, or give me a hug, or whatever, and say, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” or, “Oh, honey, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” It. Drove. Me. Crazy. Michael knew what he was getting into when he enlisted; it was after 9-11, and we were at war. I knew what I was getting into when I started dating him. It’s part of the package. Do I like him being away for excessively long periods of time, or knowing that he may not come home? Not in the least. It’s difficult and scary and lonely and stressful. But I am unbelievably proud of him, of his strength and his willingness to step up and do what needs to be done. And I’m grateful to him, as I am to all our men and women serving, for being willing to protect the freedoms we so take for granted here. I’d rather hear people say, “Tell him thank you,” because there’s no need to be sorry or offer reassurance.

That said, here’s a few things you should never, ever say to someone whose loved one is currently deployed overseas.