Who woulda thunk it? I mean, jeez. The EEEEEVIL ‘murricans led by that cowboy Bushitler MUST have been torturing those poor, innocent detainees at Guantanamo, right?

… right?

Wait… we aren’t mistreating them??

A Pentagon review of conditions at the Guantanamo Bay military prison has concluded that the treatment of detainees meets the requirements of the Geneva Conventions but that prisoners in the highest-security camps should be allowed more religious and social interaction, according to a government official who has read the 85-page document.

The report, which President Obama ordered, was prepared by Adm. Patrick M. Walsh, the vice chief of naval operations, and has been delivered to the White House. Obama requested the review as part of an executive order on the planned closure of the prison at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo Bay, on the southeastern tip of Cuba.

So, let’s review. Our hopey-changey new President made a bunch of promises that he’d close Gitmo, even though it would mean putting a bunch of bloodthirsty Islamic terrorists who want to kill us right on US soil, putting US citizens at risk. He promises all of this because of all the liberal whining about how awful the conditions at Gitmo are, and how we’re mistreating them and torturing them and WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!! So, as soon as Obama gets in office he orders the closing of Gitmo, and then orders a little fact-finding mission. Come to find out, Gitmo detainees are being treated just fine. Surely, those in the media and on the left will be rushing to retract their accusations.

I think it’s crickets chirping that you’re hearing right now.

And what about our new Dear Leader? Now that he knows the facts, will he rescind his order in the interests of keeping Americans safe? Don’t count on it. Facts don’t matter to liberals; only emotions do. And emotional liberals find it much more fulfilling to cry over perceived injustices that don’t exist than to enlighten themselves with facts.

Hat Tip: Say Anything