Military Reflective Belt and Skinny Jeans, The Hot Hipster Look

Military Reflective Belt and Skinny Jeans, The Hot Hipster Look

Military Reflective Belt and Skinny Jeans, The Hot Hipster Look

As “The Onion” is to mainstream news, the “Duffel Blog” is to military news. When I first saw an article titled “A hipster retail store is selling a familiar military accessory to complement skinny jeans,” I thought this has to be the “Duffel Blog.” But, no, and that makes it even more hilarious.

The article is in the “Military Times,” but the article’s authors proved that the military does have a sense of humor when they wrote:

Have you ever been in the midst of an early-morning three-mile run — just for fun — with your unit, looked down admirably at your glow belt, beaming bright with the power of a thousand suns, and thought, “Damn, this thing is the quintessence of sweetness. Why can’t I wear it out in town?”

Fortunately for you, Urban Outfitters has your peacocking needs covered! And for only $30, you can purchase your very own “Rotcho Reflective Physical Training Belt.”

Match it with your favorite skinny jeans, a scarf and a snow beanie for that perfect summer look that screams, “I don’t care if it’s 104 degrees out and I’m burning alive — I’m fantastic!”

Traditionally used during on-base runs to avoid being hit by cars before or after dark, the trendy new PT belt from Urban Outfitters will make sure you also avoid being hit by compliments.

Well done, J.D. Simkins and Charlsy Panzino. You win the snark award of the day.

According to “Task and Purpose,” the reflective belt was first required in the 1990’s to prevent personnel from getting hit by moving vehicles during dawn and dusk physical training. Since that time, they have begun to be required at almost every time, even during deployment and redeployment.

There is nothing in this world that makes less sense than a helmet, a weapon, camo, and a reflective belt! Your helmet won’t save you, your weapon may not save you, your camo may suck, but, Sweet Jesus, you have your reflective belt, so you are safe in case your “terp” decides to turn on you.

Hipsters should not stop with a reflective belt. No. What the haute hipster really needs with the PT belt is a pair of genuine “silkies.”

Hipsters, don’t hide your pasty, toneless, skinny legs under skinny jeans. No. Get a pair of silkies and wear them with your reflective belt and an awesome camo manicure. Top the whole look off with a man bun.

Remember, even Hipsters will be safe with the PT Reflective Belt, only $30.00 at Urban Outfitters; Soffe Ranger Silkies are $13.99; and the camo nails are the icing on the cake at up to $60.00. Safe, sound, and bringing laughter to us normals: priceless.

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5 Comments
  • Nicki says:

    My military reservist son wants to sell them from $20 a pop! He could make a killing!

    “Sorry, SGT. I lost my PT belt again. Can I get issued another one?”

  • SFC D says:

    Holy balls, at $30 each, I must have around $300 laying in the garage somewhere, and in various colors!

    • Nicki says:

      Right???

      And I remember how much we HATED wearing those fucking things! But now, they’re a fashion statement! LMAO!

      • SFC D says:

        I have a 14 year old son. I already told his mother that I will flog him with a PT belt if he decides to embrace this “fashion statement”. Her reply? “I’ll hold him down.”

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