We knew all the nuts would come out this week and we are not at all surprised by any of their antics. Our very own, Deanna gave us a bit of a highlight reel of the #MayDay protests in San Francisco and Nina gave us the low-down on Portland’s “peaceful” (cough) protest.

All over The United States, individuals behind the “resistance” (I refuse to capitalize it and take it out of quotes because I think the whole concept is ridiculous) blocked streets, threw rocks through windows of hard-working business owners and set off car alarms. May Day protesters in Philly chanted “Kill Trump, Kill Pence”. Workers in a local barbeque joint just outside of Raleigh, NC sang along with NWA’s “F-ck The Cops” during their lunch break. Why? Because they are mad. They are angry. And they all want to be heard. Life is so unfair.

My son informed me of some crazy thing his teacher made up. When someone in the classroom does something that is perceived to be unfair or hurtful to another classmate, the classmate is to call “foul” and they are to “discuss” the problem. One girl in his class cries “foul” like all the time. She cuts in line and my son stands his ground and takes his original place…”FOUUUUUULLLLL!” Some kid passed by her desk and touched it…”FOUUUUULLL!” I can’t even. Future protestor in training, I guess.

Honestly, what a freaking joke. #MayDay has nothing to do with celebrating International Workers and everything to do with an excuse to blow off work for U.S. citizens (those few in the group who DO actually work). To these people they have “joined the ‘resistance'”. In the whole era of warping the English language, we have now equated whining like a spoiled little privileged brat with a word that actually has some brawn=resistance.

I’ve held my tongue for so long but I feel these men and women of the “resistance” and all of the protest groupies need a real Come to Jesus right about now. These people really think they are accomplishing something. Ready or not, here I go. To all the men, women and whoever and whatever else you want to call yourself, this is why I resist to grant your movement a name in caps.

“Yes, I am outraged. Yes, I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House … but I choose love.”-Madonna

Women: Really? If you think Madonna donned in Gautier and trekking her boney gluteus maximus to a women’s march is your role model, think again. You want respect but you admire women who talk about their sexual escapades and vaginas like they were discussing the daily weather. You call yourselves “Nasty Women” and carry equally nasty signs while marching for higher wages and reproductive rights. You’ve skipped work to do so and by golly, that raise had better be in your paycheck because you deserve it. You call yourselves “Nasty Women” to honor a woman who couldn’t care less about you or your daughters. You want birth control without accountability and ultimately, you want all taxpayers to fund a procedure for something that should not be used as birth control. All of this in the name of resisting a “misogynistic, sexist pig”. You claim to be independent and you want respect. But when you whine about who should foot the bill for your ol’ “friend” that shows up once a month do you really expect to be taken seriously?

Men: You speak from the rafters about privilege when you know damn well that some of you did not completely go off of mom and dad’s bankroll until your late 20s, early 30s. Maybe Mom’s still paying your rent, who knows? You speak about bravery and standing up for something that you believe in but denounce your brothers (fellow police officers, military service members) who do the same thing. You want nice things but feel as if “the man” is keeping you from obtaining them so you go off and destroy other people’s property and the very things that they have poured their blood, sweat and tears into because you perceive injustice and you…you want justice, oh Hero Organizer! It is not your poor choice of college major that causes you to be unmarketable in the career field, it is “corporate America trying to keep you down”. It’s always the fault of every one else but you on this quest to be part of the resistance. Those bad people and your unfair, unfortunate circumstances drove you to bust out that innocent person’s car window. Probably explains why your female counterparts find abortion to be a viable option should she hook up with a man like you. You think?

Women, quit thinking the world owes you because of your body parts. And guys, grow a pair. We know you all think we live in a dreadful, racist, “oppressed” country and that you loathe “everything we stand for” but face it, you don’t have the guts to permanently cross the border into Canada even though you stare longingly at the ol’ Maple leaf and dream of socialized medicine. Instead, you complain that you have no opportunity to get ahead-in a country that is just so “unfair”. (Sigh.) Should you both decide to procreate and bring into this world awesome little liberal children of the “resistance”, I’m sure you will train your kids to see the injustice in all things, just like you. They, too, will cry “foul” every chance they get.