Halloween is this coming Tuesday. Lucky for us (sarc.), the Social Justice Warriors and Progressive Indoctrination Training Advisers (or P.I.T.A’s) are here to guide us, the culturally dominant cretins who would culturally appropriate inappropriate cultural costumes.

Those super expensive indoctrination centers (colleges and universities) are holding “Practice Halloween” events so that our little cherubs can be shamed about their dominate cultureness. The Daily Wire wrote about the Indiana University “Practice Halloween”. If you are even thinking about handing your child tuition money or taking out a loan for your precious progeny, reading the Daily Wire piece ought to cause your wallet to seize up.

“Teen Vogue”, which used to be (decades ago) about style and fashion, is an online shaming source for anyone not culturally indoctrinated enough to be “woke”. “Teen Vogue” worships at the altar of teen sex, abortion, and feelz. Without further ado, below is the “Teen Vogue” educational dominant culture shaming video.

First, let me address the biggest problem with the message in this video. It’s called the First Amendment and it’s in this pesky thing called The Constitution of the United States of America. The Constitution is the contract under which we, as citizens, have agreed to live. By virtue of birth, naturalization or hostile takeover, if you live in this beautiful country, you have agreed to The Constitution. The First Amendment guarantees free speech, among other handy items, and that means I can dress as I choose. If you don’t like Freedom of Speech, you may petition the government. See also, First Amendment.

You would know this, my little activists, if you had something other than a Bachelor of Arts in Grievance Airing.

A couple of other pesky little things. Yasmin, our first generation Iraqi American Muslim. Listen up, sunshine, the tunic or thawb is not strictly Muslim. F’reals, you can Google it. And, um, like Jesus, my Lord and Savior totally rocked it. It was kind of a thing back in the day. If I dress as Jesus, I am not making fun of Him, or your culture.

While hoop earrings go back to at least ancient Egypt, they probably sprang up spontaneously in many cultures, on several different continents. I haven’t worn earrings every day for years, too fussy, but if I want to wear hoop earrings, I will wear huge gold ones. If you don’t get it, reread the part about The Constitution.

As for drawn on eyebrows, all the women in my family either draw them on or have them permanently tattooed on. I have done both. We are Irish and have no eyebrows. You think we are culturally appropriating you, think again. We draw on our eyebrows to give people a warning that we are about to “get our Irish up”. Feel free to appropriate that bit of Irish Culture when you are about to get angry.

I also do not get offended when you call the police van a “paddy wagon” or make jokes about drunken Scots or Irish persons. Wear a kilt for Halloween. Doesn’t bother me.

Two more eensy teensy little items.

First, I saw the Hula at the Polynesian Cultural Center back in the late 70’s. Cashman, maybe your Grandmother could not get to Oahu, but it was widely being taught to anyone who wanted to learn back then. Also, I got a lei at the airport. Sorry, not sorry.

Second, the winner of the “Teen Vogue” niche tribalism contest is the female who is a member of the Indigenous First Nations People of the Caribbean. In niche tribalism, you cannot get more nichier than being a member of the Indigenous First Nations People of the Caribbean. You beat everyone else for niche tribalism by a country mile. Bless your heart.

In the article under the video at the “Teen Vogue” site, those who object to the objection of cultural appropriation are accused of calling the P.I.T.A.s the fun police.

It’s time to change the conversation around cultural appropriation. The term has been reduced to mere internet outrage, and dismissed as a tool devised by the “fun police” to keep people from enjoying Halloween. But the reality is cultural appropriation is a stain on American history.

Nah, sweet peas. You are not fun police. You are fascist bullies. Now, shove your cultural appropriation in a tootsie roll and leave the rest of us alone.